Truth That Seeks Freedom

John 8:32 - You will know the truth and the truth will set you free

This verse had been one of the most mind-boggling verses that I’ve ever encountered. I remember the day that I gave this much thought. What is the truth that the Lord referring to? What is truth? What is that truth that sets us free? I didn’t want anyone else’s answer. I wanted the Lord to answer me Himself. While pondering upon this verse, many explanations came to my head — most of which are explanations given by ministers in the Church. If truth is something that I can “know”, then it must be truth for me, too, that I would agree with it with all that I am. Therefore, it cannot be just anyone’s explanation to me, that I would just agree with without even testing it.

I’ve held on to many explanations of what this truth is — like the Gospel truth, the truth of Yeshua’s sacrifice, the truth of God’s promises, the truth about my identity, the truth about the future to come as it is written in the Bible. However, the more that I ask about the truths related to those topics, I learned that there is infinitely more that I can learn about them. I learned that I know so little. I learned that the Lord, His work, His sacrifice, His plans are too great to comprehend. I will never be able to grasp it completely. I can be in constant awe and surprise to new revelations related to them, and I would appreciate Him more and more because He makes Himself known to me in much greater way than I ever did. I don’t have any regrets about believing that these are the truths that will set me free because they are worth pursuing — mainly because it led me to knowing the ultimate source of truth Who is God Himself.

In the process of seeking truth, I learned that God is Holy and I am not. I learned how different I am from Him, and there is absolutely no one in the entire universe who can be equal or greater than Him. I discovered that the Bible stories that caused me to question His character are the very stories that made me understand His heart and His patience towards us. I understood that despite the many violent stories in the Bible, what every book communicates is faith, hope and love. And I lack all 3 of them. I thought I was an expert at them, but I realized I know too little about what these 3 are about.

I also learned many things about myself, and I would like to share them to you. I will try to write them as truthful as possible. After all, if it’s the truth, then it should lead me to freedom. These are the truths that I have not denied, and I cried many tears when I finally admitted that these are true:

• I learned that I am proud, that I have a puffed up version of who I am. I thought I was cool, awesome, and worth emulating. But reality is — my version of who I think I am is someone who thinks she is idol-worthy. Did the Lord save me so I can be an idol?
• I learned that I expect others to be consistent, but I am inconsistent myself. I say things that I will do but I don’t. I believe I am this and that, but it’s not always true. How can I expect others to be consistent when I am not consistent myself?
• I learned that I never had control. I deceived myself that I was in control, or I have control to a certain degree, but really, did my plans ever come about as I have planned it? It always turned out way better, but the credit does not and will never belong to me.
• I learned that I am afraid of change. I prided myself as a change-ready person because of a few events that happened in my life that proved to be successful changes. I even have results to back it up. But were they my results? Or was it because the Lord prepared me a year ahead, and taught me one truth — that if I learn how to number my days, I will gain a heart of wisdom? And He prepared me a year earlier because He knows how stubborn and cowardly I can be
• Finally, I learned that I am self-deceived. This is probably the most painful truth that I have accepted. Until all of my false self image disappears, I will be self-deceived to a certain level. Until I keep holding on to who I think I am, I will always have a barrier to knowing how God sees me.

Why are these truths important to acknowledge? It’s human nature to act based on one’s beliefs. For example, if one thinks that a fetus is not yet a baby, then one is ok with abortion. If one thinks that she is ugly, then she acts the part of an unattractive woman, actings based on her insecurities. If a woman thinks that a certain man likes her, she acts based on how she thinks her relationship to him would be. Hence, beliefs about who we are and who others are must be grounded on truth so that our actions are more consistent, and our hearts are not deceived. These will prevent us from unnecessary hurt caused by wrong assumptions and expectations. Only when we rid ourselves of prejudice, assumptions and expectations can we truly accept another person for who they are — for their flaws and imperfections. But if we do not know how to do that to ourselves, whose minds that we can read, how can we do it for others whose minds we cannot read? If we cannot be honest with ourselves, then how can we be honest to others?

Some people may find it hard to accept the things that I have written. But for those who can resonate with this, especially those who have a hard time renewing their minds with the Word of God, I know what bothers you. I know you don’t believe what is written, and you want to convince yourself that the Word of God is true for you. I know that you want to brainwash yourself because it’s easier. But take heart, you can come to the Lord and tell Him, Abba, Father, You said in Your word that I am this and that, but I don’t believe it. Please take away my unbelief and show me how You see me. Because what I (or others) think of me is not important, but who You think of me is what matters.