Diving in the Ocean of God's Grace

I love diving. I've had some of my best moments with the Lord underwater. At some point, I asked the Lord - why would You keep such a beautiful underwater world hidden for the land creatures to see? I felt like a new revelation was given to me when I asked a very simple question.

Yeshua often speaks in parables and metaphors. He's such an excellent storyteller and communicator, which I must say, one of His most attractive traits that draw me close to Him over and over again. So today, I would like to write about my underwater experience in parable/metaphor form.

The Kingdom of God is like the world underwater. One will not be able to see and know what is in there, without actually going there and experiencing it for himself. When he gets there, he won't see anything like it in his reality or his world. It's a different world, with colors, life, structure and peace that one cannot imagine to be possible. It is too wonderful for a man of the land to comprehend. Also, first hand experience is much better than the pictures, or in an observatory. One needs to be immersed in it to really know what it is about.

The holiness of God and the unholiness of man is a world of difference, like the land and the underwater. Holy and unholy have nothing in common. Similarly, the land and the underwater have nothing in common. If a person from the land would force himself to live underwater, he will die.

To survive the underwater, one must have faith in his suit and gears. Without faith in his equipment, it is impossible to enjoy the underwater, as one will be diving in fear of danger and death. The diver is required to trust in the weight belt that will keep him grounded, the wet suit that will keep him warm, the fins that will allow him to move quickly, the regulator that gives him breath, the buoyancy control device that keeps him on a level that he's at, and the knowledge of underwater diving, at the same time, trusting the dive master that he knows what he's doing. Similarly, a believer is called to wear the armor of God - the girdle of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, the helmet of salvation, the shield of faith and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.

To communicate underwater, no audible words are necessary or heard. The divers communicate through a language that they can only understand. The goal of communication is to ask how you are - are you good and safe, the way to go, what you need to see. The job of the diver is to follow. The job of the dive master is to lead and help. Like in our relationship with God, realistically speaking - our opinions don't really matter as much as His truth. Our job is to know His commandments and follow them. His job is to lead and to help. Lastly, the diver's job is to trust the dive master, as there is no way to survive the underwater without trusting him. Similarly, we can't survive the life of a believer without trusting Him and His directions.

The goal of diving is to enjoy the underwater, to appreciate the life hidden from the world and to rest in that extraordinary peace that it brings. Like the life in the Messiah, the goal is to enjoy Him and His presence, to appreciate the life that He has given us, and to enjoy His rest and the extraordinary peace that He brings. When we leave that solemn and sacred place, that peace won't depart our hearts and we carry it with us, even when we are above water, or in the world.

Photo taken from Phuket Scuba Diving

Five Difficult Lessons (New Arrows in My Quiver)

For the past few months, I have been having a writer's block. The main reason for it is I was confronted with a truth that I am so afraid to admit, which was my hyprocrisy. How can I write such beautiful learnings, when I am confronted with my own sin, shortcomings and failures? I have come to learn that sharing my learnings and living them are 2 separate things. The learnings can be tested through fire - if I am really able to live the things I claim that I've learned. Does my life really show a testimony that I've learned well?

There are 5 key items in my most recent and current season that I believe I need to learn. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm good at them, but I am starting to see the benefit of having them in my quiver.

1. Waiting patiently
Waiting is not one of my best traits. I can wait for a few things, especially if it's my first time to wait on something or someone. However, I realized that waiting patiently is not something I do consistently. In fact, I noticed that I am pretty selective on things that I can wait for, and I set different standards on certain things and people. I learned that the key to waiting patiently is to lay down my expectations - the higher the expectations, the higher the chance that I get impatient. This boils down to communication of expectations - the more promises given, the higher the expectations. If I meet a person for the first time, and this person is late or cancels, it is easier to show grace to him/her, compared to a person whom I've known for a long time.  I could view it that this person is taking my friendship for granted. However, how does God wait? (Ecc 3:1) How long does He wait? What is He waiting for? (Hab 2:3) What are His standards for mercy and grace when it comes to waiting? Does He get angry while He waits for us? Does He lecture us while He waits for us? How does He respond when finally, we are at that place that He has been waiting for for soooo long? (Luke 15:22)

2. Obeying without seeing, or even expecting the blessing
I was taught earlier in my walk with the Lord that I have to claim the promises of blessing in the Word. While that still works, I realized that counting my future blessings sometimes does not help me. It creates self-entitlement in my heart, to demand from God what I deserve to have because I did my share of righteousness. It actually led me think - do I just obey the Lord because of what He said He'd do if I obey? Do I obey Him because that's what a good Christian should do - I get a confirmation, then I must do it? Or do I do it because I care about Him? (1 John 5:3) What about Abraham who was promised decendants as numerous as the stars, and he died without seeing them? Or what about Yeshua, who was promised a pure and spotless Bride, and we see the bethrothed Bride as... stained? He waited and is still waiting for His Bride, and it appears like the Bride is not necessarily getting purer, but more... stained, with blood - not of Yeshua, but hers? How does Yeshua, who is God, deal with this?

3. Confronting with truth, if possible, with love
One of my biggest stumbling blocks is confronting truth - say Yeshua and His ability to confront with such directness and boldness that blows my mind away. Or the prophets, how can they say such incredibly horrible things about people, totally politically incorrect, not even encouraging? I learned that my culture has taught me a lot of ways to flatter people. I love my people, the Filipinos. We feed on encouragement, affection, even if it's not exactly the truth. As long as it feels good, and the person feels encouraged. I realized that it's not exactly the best thing to do. Do we really help others by flattering them? Does the Lord flatter people? I can always pull the Gideon card - but didn't the Lord believe in the best of Gideon, when He said that he's a brave and valiant warrior before he became one? So my question is - what is the right way to confront truth? Would things be different if Yeshua did not confront Peter that Satan was influencing him? I was listening to a podcast from Derek Prince, and he had a very interesting translation for "speaking the truth in love". He goes - "be honest with your love." Until now, I have not figured out how to live that. However, knowing that the Lord revealed that piece of gold nugget to someone gives me hope that there is actually a better way to do this truth and love thing. As of now, I am learning to confront truth faster than I used to. I realized that confronting truth is such a great way to set boundaries. I just need to get better at seeking the truth, because that's harder compared to saying them. I can easily be swept away by my feelings, and miss out on reality. And hopefully, when I am ready to learn the second part of the verse, I can be honest with my love. (Eph 4:15)

4. Humility without expecting to be exalted
How interesting it is that culturally, Filipinos find it so easy to say sorry. We say sorry for the most mundane things, even for things that don't really lead to offense. However, just like everyone else, we are also plagued with the difficulty to say sorry on things that cause offense. Humility is not a natural human behavior. Our society has taught us to exalt ourselves - our name, our role, our background, our results. Humility is difficult because we hardly see any reward to it. In fact, there are more times that we get persecuted for humbling ourselves, as there is a temptation to condemn someone who admitted his sin. In Filipino, we'd say, "eh di umamin din?" ("See, finally, he admitted his mistakes?" This statement is often said with sarcasm) While I completely believe the Word when it said - the humble will be exalted, I realized that being exalted is not the ultimate motivation of humility. (James 4:10) I learned that we can get to know a person better with how they react towards someone humbling himself - will they condone, persecute, judge a person who humbled himself? Or will they show compassion and mercy? Learning more about people is such a wonderful experience. It tells us about how far we can invest in our relationships with specific people, if they can be a friend to keep, or they can just be acquaintances. I have come to a conclusion that the 2 greatest reward for humility are genuine friendship and knowledge (Matt 5:5). Being exalted is secondary. It may or may not happen in the timing that we want. But who cares? (Prov 22:4)

5. Not wanting so badly (covet)
Not wanting (Ps 23:1) is probably one of the most difficult things for me. I am the type of person who is very clear about what I want, what I need, and what I want to happen. I realized that it's much easier to communicate my wants and needs if I know my place, I know the level of authority and power given to me, and I am able to assess properly what I can demand from that circumstance. The lack of discernment on the last part can cause shame. The lack of knowledge on the first 2 parts cause anxiety and/or confusion. In some extreme cases, I could get depressed, or even resentful. I kept replaying a narrative in my head about what I should have because I had them at some point. I find myself telling the Lord, until when should I suffer? (Phil 1:21)  However, there's something very beautiful about being in lack (which I often use interchangeably with "not in luxury"). It taught me that there are a lot of things that I don't need. Honestly, I still want them, but I don't need them. The longer that I live this life, the more distant the memory of luxury becomes. I observed that this lifestyle has changed (and is still changing) the way I think, plan and even worry. There are many things that I want, but I don't want them as badly anymore. However, there is one thing that I still want with passion - to know what is right, what is fair, what is wise. To know how to respond based on that knowledge. To know and understand the timing of God. To know when to fight and when to withdraw. To know when to share and what to share. Solomon was not condemned for asking for wisdom. And the Word says that the Lord will not rebuke me for asking for wisdom, and He is ready to give it abundantly. (James 1:5)

What I learned from cooking

I have to admit, cooking is not my thing.  Domestication is not my thing either.  I am a self-confessed brat.  If I can pay for services to get things done at home, I would.  I praise the Lord that now, I cannot actually afford it.  I have to learn domestication myself.  My consuelo de bobo for myself why I am ok with the simple lifestyle is that someday, there might be a possibility that I have to start over again in my career.  Serving the Lord in a foreign land with hardly anything to start with is proof that one can have a full life without having worldly riches.  Honestly, I keep looking back on those days when I had plenty.  Repeatedly, I would ask myself why I allowed myself to go through self-inflicted pain.  But constantly, the Lord is reminding me of the reason why I came here in the first place.  I didn't come here to please myself, but to learn about Him.  Living this life is a preview that future struggles will not kill me, but will change me and improve me as a person.

Yesterday, I finally decided to do something worthwhile, which was to cook, rather, bake something for a friend who served as a missionary in Mindoro. She told me that she loved Bibingka.  The thought of cooking scared me, to be honest.  I don't like getting burns, I don't like failing, I don't like wasting ingredients if it'd go bad.  The list can go on, of my many excuses why I refuse to cook.  So yesterday, I conquered the fear of cooking by baking Bibingka for the first time.

I bought 2x more the ingredients that I needed, just in case the would screw up, I can start over.  I found myself double, triple, quadruple checking the instructions, making sure I was doing it right.  I also found myself making some changes even, and not following the instructions perfectly.  I allowed myself to taste uncooked mixture of Bibingka, just to be sure that its sweetness is acceptable to me.  It didn't taste awesome, but I had an idea how the sweetness level was.

In the process, the baking pan that I used leaked.  I was debating with myself - should I start over, and throw everything out?  I learned that cooking required quick thinking - how to deal with crisis, and how to not waste your resources.  It actually requires similar life skills as in managing work, people and life.  So quickly, I used a smaller pan that I didn't plan on using, moved everything into that pan, and continued baking.  I had my share of crisis management at 9 in the evening, and I loved the adrenalin rush.  Thanks to my lovely roommate, she actually saw that I didn't use the right settings in the oven.  So she fixed my setting, and I waited for 20 minutes for the Bibingka to finish baking.  Lo and behold, I had my finished product.  I let it cool a bit for 10 minutes and put cream cheese on top of the slices that I made for myself and my roommate.  It actually tastes pretty good.  I must say, praying over that Bibingka must have made it possible haha!  The best thing that I learned from baking was that, unlike life in general, I will get my results in a matter of minutes.  I didn't have to wait days or months or years to know if I made the right decision.  I actually felt I accomplished something good!

Fresh Bibingka from the oven.  See the marks that my fork left because I kept checking haha!  Recipe here.

Have I decided to keep cooking and completely conquer my fear of cooking?  Ummm, honestly, I'm not there yet.  I saw that cooking may not be my most favorite thing, as it is such a solitary activity.  I like team things, not solo activities.  So maybe, my heart will change someday.  Let's see.  Yesterday's output was definitely an encouragement to keep trying and learning.  It was definitely proof that my fears were irrational and illogical, and they are not worth keeping.

Best Way to Ruin a Relationship: Unmet Expectations

James 4:1-3. What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.   You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

I was told by a wise woman that the key to ruining a marriage is unmet expectations. I am not married, but I realized there is something very profound about that statement. In fact, we can conclude that the key to ruin any form of relationship is unmet expectations.

I was also told by other wise people in my life that if I have expectations, I must put it into words. Business trainings would always tell us that the most important step in building your network is to identify your expectations, other people’s expectations, and manage them accordingly. This is one advice that we can apply in every relationship that we have.

So what are my expectations? I’ve listed down my good expectations and why I think they are good. And my bad expectations, which I hope would be replaced by better narratives when the time is right, or when my heart is ready. 

Of God

1. I expect Him to surprise me, because He is wiser and all-knowing and He can do it because He can.
2. I expect Him to work, with or without me doing anything, because He doesn’t need me to complete His work. He is already sufficient on His own. However, if He chooses to involve me, then I’m up for a great adventure.
3. I expect Him to talk to me, because we are in a relationship. It’s just a right expectation.
4. I expect Him to nudge me when I sin, because sin prevents me from having fellowship with Him. He hates sin, so I expect Him to tell me. I want to go back to point #3, because we are in a relationship, I expect Him to tell me what He doesn’t like.
5. I expect Him to deal with me as quickly as possible, because I don’t want to keep doing stupid things, and stray away. The longer it gets dealt with, the painful it becomes for us.
6. I expect that He will love me no matter what I do, even when I sin. Because His Word says He would. And I expect that He will help me worship Him with all that I am despite my mistakes.
7. I expect Him to understand me, but not necessarily say yes to all my demands. My prayers may come from wrong motives, but I need Him to hear my heart.
8. I expect that He would meet my emotional needs on His own accord, because He promised He will meet all my needs. I expect that if I don’t get it the way I want to get it, He will show me His ways, because His ways are better.
9. I expect that He would teach me how to relate to others, because I can become socially awkward, and I need Him to lead me how to love others. After all, it’s His expertise.
10. I expect that when I have wrong expectations, He would set me straight. He knows how demanding I can be, but He is still my Leader and my Boss, so I expect that He tells me when my demands are not good for me, and for us.

Of Myself
Good/Fair Expectations

1. I expect myself to desire personal improvement, because stagnating is just not an option.
2. I expect myself to do stupid things and lean on my own understanding because I do not always have the right tools, or the right heart.
3. However, I also expect that I will run to the Lord because I do not know any other way to live that will guarantee me peace.

Bad/Unfair Expectations

1. I expect that I can change quickly, but it is wrong, because I do not really dictate the timing of my transformation.
2. I expect that my emotions can quickly comply to the word of God, but it is wrong, because I am a woman, and I am emotional. I am not a machine to force myself into submission.
3. I expect that I will be able to discern what is good and bad from all information that enters my brain, but somehow, it is not possible, because most bad things start from good intention.
4. I expect that I become humble, but I may never get to a point of real humility because I have a body made of flesh. I may be humbled for a while, but my body will find reasons to be proud again. I want to be humble because this is the only way for me to view myself properly – as how God views me.
5. I expect that I will be able to protect myself from hurt, because it’s painful. But I will never know love if I do not know pain.

Of others
Good/Fair Expectations

1. I expect them to surprise me, because people are just wonderfully unique, and have value to contribute to the table, no matter what their background is. I expect that I will be fascinated by how they think, they feel, they process things.
2. I expect that I will find what is beautiful about them, because they are made in the image and likeness of God.
3. I expect that there is a possibility that they could hurt me, because we have different values.
4. I expect the possibility that I could love them deeply, because they are made in the image and likeness of God.
5. I expect that they would tire me out and would drain me in some occasions, because they have emotional needs that would require that I get emptied.
6. I expect that they will exercise their right not communicate their expectations, and would leave me hurt to a degree, because keeping silent is their right.
7. I expect that the closer I get with them, I give them the right to hurt me.
8. I expect that it is the Lord who holds my relationship with them, because I cannot control them, even if I wish I could.
9. I expect that I would find someone who would be ok with me for who I am, and to have an honest relationship with him/her/them, because I am a human being that needs fellowship. However, it is the Lord who will provide for me, and I must not force them into giving me what I need. I must also consider what they need, and see if I could give them what they need, whether or not they will do the same for me.

Bad/Unfair Expectations

1. I expect them to either love me or hate me, nothing in between. I want to make a little dent in the lives of people that I encounter, but this may not always be possible. And this may come from wrong motives, like exalting myself.
2. I expect that they won’t mind if I decide to walk away from them. I was told that it is my divine right to choose my friends, and I expect them to be able to deal with it if we do fall away. But this may never be true for all friendships. So this is may not be an expectation, but what I really hope for. 
3. I expect that somehow, they would find the Messiah, because I have Someone that I want to live the rest of eternity with, and He is awesome. I want them to know Him because I want them to experience His love.   Because I want it so much for them, it makes them feel that I cannot accept them for who they are.

 So what about you? What are your expectations?

Art by Alexander Milov

4 Summer Destinations to Get Away and Reconnect with God

Summer is coming very soon, and surely, the first thing that would probably cross our minds is – where should I go for a summer vacation? Of course, as believers in Jesus, we are trained to think that we must be wise in our spending, at the same time, we must not forget the One Who is about to provide for this much needed rest. I have listed my top 4 picks, not because they are popular, but these are the places where I had (or still having) the best moments with the Lord.

1. Israel
If you have a lot of extra cash to have the most magnificent time with the Lord, go visit Israel. For obvious reasons, this country was gone for almost 2,000 years, is currently speaking a resurrected language (Hebrew) which was dead for almost 2,000 years, and is a survivor of multiple wars. The existence of Israel is a miracle in itself, and for those who have never visited the land, I recommend that you should before the Messiah returns. After all, the new heaven and the new earth when the Messiah returns to reign will be here, literally, in Israel. Imagine walking along the Mt of Olives, where the Lord ascended and will return. Or see for yourself the places where our Lord Jesus performed miracles. Or touch the Canaanite tunnels where Abraham and Melchizedek probably did the first communion. Israel is filled with stories and visuals that will bring life to your bible reading. After all, when we were kids, we loved books with pictures more. What if you are able to see, feel, touch, smell the locations that the Bible is talking about? How awesome that would be! I have been living in Israel for a year and a half, and I still could not get enough it.
What you need to know: If it’s your first time, I would suggest that you join a tour. I recommend that you either (1) join your local church if they are organizing one. The advantage of being with your churchmates is that you have someone to rave with, and passionately share your insights and revelation. Plus, you can share your thoughts in your local language, and you can cry freely. (2) Join a tour organized here in Israel. I highly recommend joining scheduled trips by One For Israel. This organization has a Bible School in Israel, and their mission and vision is just amazing. They also specialize in Apologetics the Hebraic way, so you can have a taste of how our forefathers would discuss with non-believers during their time. (3) Come to the Feast of Tabernacles to join many Christians all over the world to celebrate the event. The biggest organizer during the feast is the International Christian Embassy in Jerusalem. Many Christians flock to Jerusalem during this time because the Bible tells us in the book of Revelation that the only feast we will be celebrating during the Millenial reign is the Feast of Tabernacles. So it’s exciting to see a foreshadowing of things to come when the Messiah returns. Note that this event happens during autumn, when the weather in Israel is just perfect.
Practical tip: Learn a few Hebrew words like Shalom (hello), Toda raba (thank you very much), Bevakasha (please or you’re welcome), Sliha (sorry or excuse me), Sherutim (bathroom), Hamud (cute). I can guarantee you that you’ll fall in love with the land. Bring your most beautiful smile, as Israelis love seeing smiling people. While you focus your eyes on the Lord, don’t get yourself distracted with the people, as Israel is known to be the land of many good looking people.

2. Hongkong
If you have a fairly ok budget, I recommend that you visit Hongkong. It doesn’t seem like one of the holiest places to visit, but there are a few things that you can find that are amazing. Ma Wan island is a very small island where you can find a park called Noah’s Ark. They have a replica of the ark, and they have a lot of cool things that a child of all ages will enjoy, from 3 till even 80 maybe. It’s encouraging to go there as you will see how much Christians are willing to invest to find proof for the Bible. You’ll be so amazed at how accurate and excellent the Lord is with the details. Another interesting place to visit is Cheung Chau. It’s accessible by ferry, and is perfect for those who like to walk. I took a hike in that area, and it’s just peaceful, serene and beautiful. The best treat that I had there is I found a Baptist church and seminary right on top of the hill. We know Hongkong as more Buddhist than Christian, but seeing traces and strongholds of our Lord in places where He is ideally not so known is quite encouraging. Extra bonus, you can cross over to Macau and do a really fun activity – bungy jumping. One thing I can say about bungy jumping, is that control is something that we don’t need. We can let go, be free and enjoy life. It doesn’t have to last for just 10 seconds. It can be for the rest of our lives.
Practical tip: When you visit Ma Wan, make sure you come there first thing in the morning. One day is not enough, and you’ll surely want to come back again. Bring decent hiking shoes if you plan to go to Cheung Chau. If you’re planning to bungy jump, don’t torture yourself by hesitating to jump. Just jump, and enjoy. While you focus on learning more about the Lord, don’t get yourself distracted with shopping. It’s a really big temptation.

3. Mt. Pulag
If you’re Filipino and you’re into adventures, but you don’t want to suffer too much, Mt. Pulag is perfect for you. There is a trail called Ambangeg trail. It’s an easy climb, and you get to see many beautiful sceneries. The nice thing about being in Mt. Pulag is you get to have a stopover at Baguio to have those delicious strawberry taho. Have you ever wondered what it is like to see what God sees? Or seeing the bigger picture? Sometimes, it’s not easy for us to grasp the bigger picture, but maybe, all we need is another perspective. Climbing a mountain will give you a different view of the world – how water forms connect to each other, how valleys form the most incredible suspension, and can house such beautiful creations. Somehow, this will give us a tiny glimpse of how the Lord sees the beauty of His handiwork.
Practical tip: Best way to climb a mountain is to join a hiking group. I have only tried hiking with Trail Adventours, and they are just amazing. You’ll fall in love with their guides, how patient and proactive they can be. I found real friends from this group. You’ll enjoy their company.

4. Anilao
If your frustration is not being able to swim, but would like to see the underwater, take heart! You don’t need swimming skills to dive. All you need to know is how to walk and breathe, and have some skills to survive, which is something that can be learned. The Philippines is so rich in natural resources, and we have one of the best marine life in the world. Anilao is just a 2-hour drive away from Manila, and can be done as often as you want. Have you ever wondered why the Lord hid the underwater? Isn’t it just like our relationship with Him, something that we must intentionally pursue because the glory of it is worth pursuing and experiencing? Same thing with diving.
I have many reasons why diving for me is such a wonderful activity: (1) you can’t talk. You are just forced to listen and pay attention. In our daily lives, we sometimes miss out listening and paying attention. These are 2 very important ingredients to loving well. (2) You have no other choice but to follow the dive master. Just like our relationship with the Lord, if we just understand this principle, that following the Leader is the key to survival, then we can truly live. Also, the dive master knows the underwater very well. Go where he goes, you’ll see the underwater with his eyes. (3) You cannot dive alone, you need to have a dive buddy. It’s just like fellowship. We can’t live the Christian life alone.
Practical tip: Drink lots of water before the dive. If you feel hungry after the dive, it’s normal. Don’t feel bad about overeating. Don’t drink lots of coffee before diving, even if the Batangas coffee is just too delightful to say no to.

I Want to Know What Love is

Proverbs 19:22 - What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar. 

I have a concern. I realized that there are just waaaayyy too many advice regarding relationships. If you are reading this, you might be thinking, what will this article say now about relationships? If you are like me, you may have the tendency to accept advice as they come, but do we really test them whether they are true or not? I have listed down the top 7 competing thoughts in my head about relationships.

1. It is the Lord Who will give you a partner. It’s a divine appointment.
2. You are given the freedom to choose your partner. Just have standards.
3. You will know when he is the right person. You can go with what you feel.
4. Chemistry is so important. Without it, there is no attraction.
5. The guy has to make a move first. The girl must not do anything, and just hope and pray.
6. The girl must give hints to a man so that he will be encouraged to move forward.
7. You need to identify what you need and want in a person, otherwise, you’ll end up with someone you don’t want.

While these points may be true to some degree at a certain period in any male-female relationship, it leaves the listener, especially a woman, a bit hanging. Surely, it is good to heed advice from people. Women tend to accept any form of advice out of desperation, saying, “maybe if I follow this advice, I will get what I want - marriage.” But when a better advice comes along, we follow the new advice and so forth. I am led to think that the reason why there are so many advice regarding this matter, is that there is a huge demand for great relationships all over the world. For me, as a single woman, it makes me think that relationships are difficult. Instead of feeling hopeful, I could feel hopeless, or think - is there something wrong with me, why I can’t figure this out? I am also led to ask myself, am I desperate, or do I want a husband too much?

I acknowledge the fact that finding a boyfriend is not an easy journey. Being married is a thousand times more difficult. So I am trying to be practical with my thoughts - is this a right goal? Because if it is a goal, then I must identify the parameters that are required to reach that goal. Are the parameters controllable, or which of them are controllable? My conclusion regarding this matter is that the only controllable and common parameter in every relationship is ME.

Who is this controllable parameter? I am a woman who has freedom to choose my actions. I am free to allow the Lord to change me. I am free to decide how I view every situation that comes before me. I am free to walk away from things and people that are not good for me. I am free to pause, reflect and pray, and to test whether what is before me will be good for me - emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

One important lesson that I learned last year was that my relationship with the Lord is way too precious that I must not allow anything or anyone disturb it to a point of compromise. All my choicest relationships must consider my relationship with the Lord as sacred. Anything that compromises my relationship with the Lord is idolatry or harlotry. I must learn to be strong enough to say no to those things, otherwise, I am making a statement that my relationship with the Lord is not important anymore. Meanwhile, I must acknowledge that human love is such a beautiful and amazing thing, that I might be tempted, but I must be committed enough to the Lord to present everything before Him - my thoughts and my feelings, so I allow Him to be first.

On the other hand, I am also thinking about human love, loving your neighbor as yourself. My pastor in Israel was telling me something profound about this commandment. In Hebrew, the word “as yourself” is written as כמוך, which could also mean - “who is like you”. Love my neighbor who is like me - desperate for unfailing love, could be a hypocrite, may be prideful, inconsistent, could be ashamed, guilty, sinful. Given the limitation of man due to our fallen nature, I learned that I must be committed to ongoing self improvement, acknowledging my strengths, being honest with my weaknesses and be open to love myself despite my weaknesses, and having hope at the possibility that the Lord can do great and amazing things to an open heart. While we commit ourselves to become a better version of ourselves, we will have the opportunity to add value to our relationships - more joy, peace, love, laughter, time. Plus I have some security that I am in the center of God’s will - to love Him and myself and others - and this is a holy cause.

Who knows, maybe we’ll end up thinking that the key to finding the right partner is just point #1 as written above: It is the Lord Who will give you a partner. It’s a divine appointment.