There are 5 key items in my most recent and current season that I believe I need to learn. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm good at them, but I am starting to see the benefit of having them in my quiver.
1. Waiting patiently
Waiting is not one of my best traits. I can wait for a few things, especially if it's my first time to wait on something or someone. However, I realized that waiting patiently is not something I do consistently. In fact, I noticed that I am pretty selective on things that I can wait for, and I set different standards on certain things and people. I learned that the key to waiting patiently is to lay down my expectations - the higher the expectations, the higher the chance that I get impatient. This boils down to communication of expectations - the more promises given, the higher the expectations. If I meet a person for the first time, and this person is late or cancels, it is easier to show grace to him/her, compared to a person whom I've known for a long time. I could view it that this person is taking my friendship for granted. However, how does God wait? (Ecc 3:1) How long does He wait? What is He waiting for? (Hab 2:3) What are His standards for mercy and grace when it comes to waiting? Does He get angry while He waits for us? Does He lecture us while He waits for us? How does He respond when finally, we are at that place that He has been waiting for for soooo long? (Luke 15:22)
2. Obeying without seeing, or even expecting the blessing
I was taught earlier in my walk with the Lord that I have to claim the promises of blessing in the Word. While that still works, I realized that counting my future blessings sometimes does not help me. It creates self-entitlement in my heart, to demand from God what I deserve to have because I did my share of righteousness. It actually led me think - do I just obey the Lord because of what He said He'd do if I obey? Do I obey Him because that's what a good Christian should do - I get a confirmation, then I must do it? Or do I do it because I care about Him? (1 John 5:3) What about Abraham who was promised decendants as numerous as the stars, and he died without seeing them? Or what about Yeshua, who was promised a pure and spotless Bride, and we see the bethrothed Bride as... stained? He waited and is still waiting for His Bride, and it appears like the Bride is not necessarily getting purer, but more... stained, with blood - not of Yeshua, but hers? How does Yeshua, who is God, deal with this?
3. Confronting with truth, if possible, with love
One of my biggest stumbling blocks is confronting truth - say Yeshua and His ability to confront with such directness and boldness that blows my mind away. Or the prophets, how can they say such incredibly horrible things about people, totally politically incorrect, not even encouraging? I learned that my culture has taught me a lot of ways to flatter people. I love my people, the Filipinos. We feed on encouragement, affection, even if it's not exactly the truth. As long as it feels good, and the person feels encouraged. I realized that it's not exactly the best thing to do. Do we really help others by flattering them? Does the Lord flatter people? I can always pull the Gideon card - but didn't the Lord believe in the best of Gideon, when He said that he's a brave and valiant warrior before he became one? So my question is - what is the right way to confront truth? Would things be different if Yeshua did not confront Peter that Satan was influencing him? I was listening to a podcast from Derek Prince, and he had a very interesting translation for "speaking the truth in love". He goes - "be honest with your love." Until now, I have not figured out how to live that. However, knowing that the Lord revealed that piece of gold nugget to someone gives me hope that there is actually a better way to do this truth and love thing. As of now, I am learning to confront truth faster than I used to. I realized that confronting truth is such a great way to set boundaries. I just need to get better at seeking the truth, because that's harder compared to saying them. I can easily be swept away by my feelings, and miss out on reality. And hopefully, when I am ready to learn the second part of the verse, I can be honest with my love. (Eph 4:15)
4. Humility without expecting to be exalted
How interesting it is that culturally, Filipinos find it so easy to say sorry. We say sorry for the most mundane things, even for things that don't really lead to offense. However, just like everyone else, we are also plagued with the difficulty to say sorry on things that cause offense. Humility is not a natural human behavior. Our society has taught us to exalt ourselves - our name, our role, our background, our results. Humility is difficult because we hardly see any reward to it. In fact, there are more times that we get persecuted for humbling ourselves, as there is a temptation to condemn someone who admitted his sin. In Filipino, we'd say, "eh di umamin din?" ("See, finally, he admitted his mistakes?" This statement is often said with sarcasm) While I completely believe the Word when it said - the humble will be exalted, I realized that being exalted is not the ultimate motivation of humility. (James 4:10) I learned that we can get to know a person better with how they react towards someone humbling himself - will they condone, persecute, judge a person who humbled himself? Or will they show compassion and mercy? Learning more about people is such a wonderful experience. It tells us about how far we can invest in our relationships with specific people, if they can be a friend to keep, or they can just be acquaintances. I have come to a conclusion that the 2 greatest reward for humility are genuine friendship and knowledge (Matt 5:5). Being exalted is secondary. It may or may not happen in the timing that we want. But who cares? (Prov 22:4)
5. Not wanting so badly (covet)
Not wanting (Ps 23:1) is probably one of the most difficult things for me. I am the type of person who is very clear about what I want, what I need, and what I want to happen. I realized that it's much easier to communicate my wants and needs if I know my place, I know the level of authority and power given to me, and I am able to assess properly what I can demand from that circumstance. The lack of discernment on the last part can cause shame. The lack of knowledge on the first 2 parts cause anxiety and/or confusion. In some extreme cases, I could get depressed, or even resentful. I kept replaying a narrative in my head about what I should have because I had them at some point. I find myself telling the Lord, until when should I suffer? (Phil 1:21) However, there's something very beautiful about being in lack (which I often use interchangeably with "not in luxury"). It taught me that there are a lot of things that I don't need. Honestly, I still want them, but I don't need them. The longer that I live this life, the more distant the memory of luxury becomes. I observed that this lifestyle has changed (and is still changing) the way I think, plan and even worry. There are many things that I want, but I don't want them as badly anymore. However, there is one thing that I still want with passion - to know what is right, what is fair, what is wise. To know how to respond based on that knowledge. To know and understand the timing of God. To know when to fight and when to withdraw. To know when to share and what to share. Solomon was not condemned for asking for wisdom. And the Word says that the Lord will not rebuke me for asking for wisdom, and He is ready to give it abundantly. (James 1:5)
