Prov 19:22 - What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar.
For the past few months, I have been on a mission – I wanted the Lord to redefine what intimacy means for me. I realized that it’s easy to build horizontal relationships. But the vertical ones are hard to find, or even more difficult, take root.
I woke up one day with an epiphany that my greatest fear is intimacy. I fear intimacy because of the many unknowns that it will bring: Whom I should be intimate with? How will they make me feel? How will they impact me? How will they change me? Would they drag me down or lift me up? How would I respond? How will they respond? Will they see me for who I am and will they be ok with it? Will it just happen or do I need to be intentional? Until when can I say that I should stop being intentional, dust my feet off and move forward? Until where can I set the boundaries such that my dignity is preserved? Will they make me better or worse? Will the benefit outweigh the cost? Will intimacy shatter my fantasy of who I think I am? More and more each day, I am convinced that it is not just my greatest fear, but it is also my greatest need.
My questions above have been my guide to know who are safe to be with. I know that I will always misunderstand people, and it will take time and effort to know who they are. I know that people will misunderstand me as well, but it’s ok. At the end of the day, I must aim to know whom I can be safe with and who are not. The ones who are left are a real keeper.
The nicest thing about intimacy is that it comes in many forms. It’s not really as scary as I thought it was. In fact, it’s actually fun sharing our thoughts, feelings, sorrows, joys, failures, successes, fears, hopes, dreams, laughter and tears. However, it has a starting point – a mutual agreement, whether spoken or unspoken, that it is a relationship that is worth keeping, and a commitment that it’s ok to be vulnerable.
