Truth That Seeks Freedom

John 8:32 - You will know the truth and the truth will set you free

This verse had been one of the most mind-boggling verses that I’ve ever encountered. I remember the day that I gave this much thought. What is the truth that the Lord referring to? What is truth? What is that truth that sets us free? I didn’t want anyone else’s answer. I wanted the Lord to answer me Himself. While pondering upon this verse, many explanations came to my head — most of which are explanations given by ministers in the Church. If truth is something that I can “know”, then it must be truth for me, too, that I would agree with it with all that I am. Therefore, it cannot be just anyone’s explanation to me, that I would just agree with without even testing it.

I’ve held on to many explanations of what this truth is — like the Gospel truth, the truth of Yeshua’s sacrifice, the truth of God’s promises, the truth about my identity, the truth about the future to come as it is written in the Bible. However, the more that I ask about the truths related to those topics, I learned that there is infinitely more that I can learn about them. I learned that I know so little. I learned that the Lord, His work, His sacrifice, His plans are too great to comprehend. I will never be able to grasp it completely. I can be in constant awe and surprise to new revelations related to them, and I would appreciate Him more and more because He makes Himself known to me in much greater way than I ever did. I don’t have any regrets about believing that these are the truths that will set me free because they are worth pursuing — mainly because it led me to knowing the ultimate source of truth Who is God Himself.

In the process of seeking truth, I learned that God is Holy and I am not. I learned how different I am from Him, and there is absolutely no one in the entire universe who can be equal or greater than Him. I discovered that the Bible stories that caused me to question His character are the very stories that made me understand His heart and His patience towards us. I understood that despite the many violent stories in the Bible, what every book communicates is faith, hope and love. And I lack all 3 of them. I thought I was an expert at them, but I realized I know too little about what these 3 are about.

I also learned many things about myself, and I would like to share them to you. I will try to write them as truthful as possible. After all, if it’s the truth, then it should lead me to freedom. These are the truths that I have not denied, and I cried many tears when I finally admitted that these are true:

• I learned that I am proud, that I have a puffed up version of who I am. I thought I was cool, awesome, and worth emulating. But reality is — my version of who I think I am is someone who thinks she is idol-worthy. Did the Lord save me so I can be an idol?
• I learned that I expect others to be consistent, but I am inconsistent myself. I say things that I will do but I don’t. I believe I am this and that, but it’s not always true. How can I expect others to be consistent when I am not consistent myself?
• I learned that I never had control. I deceived myself that I was in control, or I have control to a certain degree, but really, did my plans ever come about as I have planned it? It always turned out way better, but the credit does not and will never belong to me.
• I learned that I am afraid of change. I prided myself as a change-ready person because of a few events that happened in my life that proved to be successful changes. I even have results to back it up. But were they my results? Or was it because the Lord prepared me a year ahead, and taught me one truth — that if I learn how to number my days, I will gain a heart of wisdom? And He prepared me a year earlier because He knows how stubborn and cowardly I can be
• Finally, I learned that I am self-deceived. This is probably the most painful truth that I have accepted. Until all of my false self image disappears, I will be self-deceived to a certain level. Until I keep holding on to who I think I am, I will always have a barrier to knowing how God sees me.

Why are these truths important to acknowledge? It’s human nature to act based on one’s beliefs. For example, if one thinks that a fetus is not yet a baby, then one is ok with abortion. If one thinks that she is ugly, then she acts the part of an unattractive woman, actings based on her insecurities. If a woman thinks that a certain man likes her, she acts based on how she thinks her relationship to him would be. Hence, beliefs about who we are and who others are must be grounded on truth so that our actions are more consistent, and our hearts are not deceived. These will prevent us from unnecessary hurt caused by wrong assumptions and expectations. Only when we rid ourselves of prejudice, assumptions and expectations can we truly accept another person for who they are — for their flaws and imperfections. But if we do not know how to do that to ourselves, whose minds that we can read, how can we do it for others whose minds we cannot read? If we cannot be honest with ourselves, then how can we be honest to others?

Some people may find it hard to accept the things that I have written. But for those who can resonate with this, especially those who have a hard time renewing their minds with the Word of God, I know what bothers you. I know you don’t believe what is written, and you want to convince yourself that the Word of God is true for you. I know that you want to brainwash yourself because it’s easier. But take heart, you can come to the Lord and tell Him, Abba, Father, You said in Your word that I am this and that, but I don’t believe it. Please take away my unbelief and show me how You see me. Because what I (or others) think of me is not important, but who You think of me is what matters.

Thankful on Shabbat

Isaiah 61:1-3 - The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor; He has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to preserve those who mourn in Zion, to give to them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.

The past couple of weeks have been incredible. I had a difficult 2015, and yet, the Lord is making sure that this will be a year to remember. My year was marked with many tears, but the Lord allowed me to see that He is a big God, a God who operates in the miraculous, a God who heals and binds the brokenhearted, a God Who sets the captives free, a God who is with me at all times - He is Immanuel.  This was also the year that had the most laughter, and really really good memories. He is my Peace and Source of Joy.

I wanted to write a very long thank You list to the Lord for all the good things that happened in 2015. However, I don’t think a blog entry will do any justice on His faithfulness, mercy, provision and lovingkindness towards me. So I’ll just write about what happened in the past few days.

Before leaving for the Philippines, the Lord showered me with wonderful memories in Jerusalem. I realized that I have built really good friendships that are as close as family. One thing that was sure - I am abundant in love. There is nothing good that the Lord withheld from me. I realized it further when 2 of my good friends came to visit Israel. I was led to share many things that the Lord has done. On a normal day, I would not remember them. However, the mere recollection to share the stories to my closest friends has made me remember how far I have walked with the Lord, and how much good memories we have created together along the way. He has been my constant Companion, my Favorite Companion, and He knows me completely. My second greatest reward is to have relationships where I can be completely honest and real to them, even if we come from different cultural backgrounds or age group. We just know, and we understand each other, with or without words. I have great assurance that they care about me, I care about them, and we pray for each other.

Now that I am back to my roots, I am thankful to the Lord for many things — for giving me a chance to meet up with an old friend, and see that we can pick up from where we left off, or even way better than where we left off. We grew up, we changed, but it was definitely for the better. I am thankful that I have a best friend who takes care of me as if I am not just her friend, but I am family. It’s a huge bonus that she loves the Lord with all of her heart, her life is truly a testament that God is with her. I am thankful for allowing me to have time with family — to see how faithful He is to them even if I am not here with them most of the time, especially with how He took care of my siblings and my parents. I am thankful that my sister had to drive for more than 2 hours so that we can see each other for 5 minutes. I am thankful that I could hear my dad pray, and to know that his leadership means a lot to me. I am thankful that my wake up call is my mom, who just wanted a hug and to catch up, and to find out that I grew up to be like her and I am proud of it. I am thankful that my brother has grown up to be a fine young man who values excellence and relationships, and he didn’t resist me hugging him haha! I am thankful that the Lord has moved mightily in my family, especially my aunt who is undergoing chemotherapy. I was told that she is the first case to survive the first cycle when her platelet count was just 1. Now she’s on her 3rd cycle. And in a few weeks, I will have a nephew! Truly, He is a promise-keeping God Who will never leave us or forsake us.

It helps that I also got upgraded twice to premium economy. And my best friend kept pampering me. And I have a big bed all for myself. Yes, I am well loved.

This is truly a season to celebrate, and the reason for this season is because the Lord is good. Praise Yeshua for coming into this world to save us, for staying with us, for being our Light, and for directing our paths.


P.S. I am no longer allowed to complain about the internet and the traffic.

Letter to the Brokenhearted for this Season

Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Dear Brokenhearted,

I'm sorry for writing to you too late.  I should have written to you a year ago, or maybe 2.  But the Lord was busy fixing my broken heart, too.  I know you don't like this season, especially the month of December.  People get married or get engaged.  And it sucks that your season is marked with tears and sorrow.  Sometimes, you just wish this season would be over quickly.  Or wish that your feelings would just leave instantly.  I felt the same way, too.  I tried many methods - from self-deception to standing in truth with the Word of God.  There were days that my methods worked.  There were days that were just unbearable.  I would spend a lot of time questioning if I did the right thing.  Sometimes, I would just do a lot of stupid things, and regret them later.

Beloved, healing takes time.  Don't give up in pushing forward to find complete restoration.  Don't hide from it.  Don't let shame eat you up.  Remember that everyday, you operate on doing your best based on what you know at this point in time.  You do not need to feel bad about not knowing everything today.  No one expects you to be perfect.  And you also cannot expect yourself to be consistent.  We, human beings are like that - imperfect and inconsistent, especially when we are hurt.

My Beloved, there is no perfect formula to get you out of this.  But know that Someone understands your pain and your sorrow.  I know that because He was with me in my brokenness, and He is still with me.  Don't run away from Him.  He is not your enemy, but He's your Healer.  His medicine stings sometimes, but you are safe in His hands, and you can trust Him.  Besides, you can never hide from Him.  You will always have Company.

I wish I could tell you it would be over soon, but I can't.  However, you can take it one day at a time.  You can have new mercies everyday, and your day can end with gratitude in your heart.  It's not impossible.

One day, you'll look back and smile.  Or even laugh at yourself.  You might even be like me, seeing my life as if it was someone else's story.  But keep the stories in your heart.  They are beautiful stories.  It's the stories that give our lives color, and our hearts hope.

Meanwhile, keep yourself in prayer.  The Bible tells us that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Take this time to be alone with Him.  This time is precious, as You will be with the perfect Companion - the One Whom you can be completely honest with, Who can read your mind and knows everything about you, Who forgives you and loves you unconditionally, Who is patient with you, and Who can be funny at times, too.  You'll miss this closeness with Him when you are no longer hurting.

With love from someone who also understands you.