Heartbroken

My heart grieves.  The world is becoming more and more evil.  Even if it was already written beforehand that this will happen, so I would not fear, I didn't expect that that it comes with heart break towards the people who refuse to accept the Lord.  Why don't people want You, Lord?  Why do they want to live according to their fleshly desires?  Can You save the ones that I love in the day of trouble?  Can You preserve us, the ones who are willing to stand with You until the end?  May Your Word richly dwell in us so we may be faithful in the day of Your return.

Torah Portion (June 20)

Just sharing the summary from my notes on the Shabbat message yesterday. :) This is, of course, tainted with my thoughts.  Not exactly as how it was shared, but with a bit of my insights in it. :)

Torah portion: Korah (Numbers 16:1-18:32)

Important questions to keep in mind:

1. Why was Korah punished severely?
2. Why did we not hear from Moses — Father, forgive them, just as Yeshua/Jesus did?
3. What did Korah do that was so serious?
4. What is the job description of Korah? What is his role?
5. What is Reuben’s family line’s involvement, why was he mentioned?

Korah is a close relative of Moses, one of the renowned people of Israel. What we can gather from the Torah portion is he’s definitely not stupid. His job description is to serve in the Tent of Meeting -- probably he was personally carrying the holy items on his shoulders. We can speculate about why Reuben is involved. Clearly, we can see that this is a play of power. Along with Korah, Dathan and Abiram are 250 “princes” of Israel. If we are putting ourselves in the situation, we can try to imagine where the “we deserve more” attitude. Maybe it’s because Reuben is the first born, ideally should have the birthright… but why the Levites are assigned as priests? What is rather interesting, is the one leading the rebellion is also a Levite — Korah.

Korah’s strategy
1. Brainwashing others — “the whole congregation is HOLY” — making the followers feel good so they would be encouraged to follow him. But are we really holy? (Scripture reference: Be holy as I am Holy - 1 Pet 1:16, referring to a future state of holiness or becoming holy. If we are holy, and have achieved the goal, then what need do we have of God? What need do we have of His ways?)
2. Proclaiming in the name of Israel vs. Moses’ in the name of the LORD
3. The message: we are all holy, Moses, why are you exalting yourself above us, we have the right to priesthood, too! We can do your job! This implies that God didn’t do a good job in choosing the leader, but they are.
His defense: Moses, you brought us out of Egypt, promises us milk and honey, where is it? I don't see it! We know the truth, do you think we're blind? (Reference in Scripture, “do you want us to gouge our eyes out?” a metaphor for "do you think we're blind?")
4. His ultimate goal based on his behavior: to take over and rule over Israel

What this is like in the current age: Religion/Cults
1. Its intent is to rule over others
2. It uses knowledge of the divine, because knowledge is power
3. It tells you what you should do or not do
4. It says almost the truth but not the truth

Moses’ reaction: very (meod, מאוד) angry in English, in Hebrew is Charah (read as kharah, חרה), meaning in pain because of deep sorrow, or burning anger coming from deep sorrow to the point of grieving. At all times, he turned to God (in Tagalog, making sumbong). Understanding Moses' character, we can speculate that he is angry because of how they rebelled against God, and even desired to manipulate him, and God. In a leader's perspective, Charah might the best word to describe his feelings.

Korah’s sin: Rebellion. This is serious matter, like in 1 Sam 15:23, where rebellion is likened to witchcraft. We may not see rebellion as a bad sin, but in the eyes of the Lord, it is like witchcraft, as the intent of witchcraft is to steal from God's glory to make us like gods. What to imagine — if this happened in the current setting, imagine how influential Korah is. He was able to convince 250 influential men to rebel. When they were consumed as a punishment from the Lord, ALL Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron that they have killed the people of the Lord. How the little lies affected an entire community that has seen the glory of the Lord many times over -- parting the Red Sea, manna, the plagues.

Interesting trivia: the sons of Korah, however, did not participate in the rebellion. From this lineage came forth Samuel the prophet, and the sons of Korah who wrote a very beautiful psalm: Ps 42.

Home Away From Home

It's almost 10 months since I left the Philippines.  I've been asked a few times if I miss home.  For some reason, I could not find the right answer to this question -- do I miss home?

I came to a conclusion that my definition of home has changed.  At some point, I would say it's family.  Or my HP team (where I used to work), where everyone is happy and motivated.  Or CCF Eastwood, my home church.  I also thought it was Jerusalem -- coz eventually, this will become my eternal home: the new Jerusalem, plus it is already where I live now.  So what happened?

My first 5 months in Jerusalem had been very difficult.  I missed my country, the people, the conveniences of a life in excessive abundance, the support system.  It was a period of serious adjustment. I realized that the Philippines was very comfortable -- I knew the culture and the language, the way around practically everything, and I had everything that I wanted and needed.  Being in a new country where I was stripped of what I had (especially the things mentioned above) was a major struggle. I was able to prove with my own life the most important principle of change management --- to keep some things unchanged so that the one receiving the change would not drown.  So yeah, I almost drowned, but found help by the grace of God.

I visited the Philippines last January and met up with some friends and family.  There is one startling thing that got me depressed: that I was a completely different person.  The life that I had was no longer there.  I didn't have the same space that I used to have.  Even if it's still there, I would not be the best person for it.  The things that I went through and was going through during that time were not something people understood, no matter how hard I tried.  I believed I was a gifted communicator.  But at that point, my words failed me.

One evening, I cried the most tears I've ever cried in 2015, when I felt like I mourned my death.  It was a turning point of my life that I finally told the Lord -- "Lord, I give up.  The life that I had is no longer mine.  It is now a memory.  It's not a place that I could go back to, and the only option that is available for me is to have a full and beautiful life in this season that I am in."  After making that decision, words started to fill my heart.  The next people that I met understood what I was trying to say.  I realized that they didn't need to know about my struggles.  All they needed to hear are what I learned, using the same language and cultural context that I grew up with.

Last week, I had an amazing time with my Hebrew teacher.  She shared something very beautiful that really touched my heart -- that me going back to the Philippines is like I'm coming from war.  My experiences created a distinct separation between me and the people from my country, that no matter how hard I try, and how hard they try, it's virtually impossible to communicate what demands to be spoken.  However, the one who does it successfully, the one with the ability to bridge the gap, has the power to make a difference, and influence the recipient of the message to see things in a new light.

I just loved the way she said it.  Indeed, I really came from (and still am in) war -- a different kind of war -- a spiritual one, that looks way different with the one that I had.  The effects of that war also required me to think differently, and to prioritize similar things in a more radical way, that is suitable to my current environment.   My mind was transformed from the mind of a mentoring leader who desires to make a difference, to a mind of a strategic soldier that requires utmost obedience to her Leader.

Given all these new context that I am seeing, I do not know if the Philippines will become my home again.  Also, I cannot officially say that I have fully adjusted in Israel.  However, the most profound thing that I have learned about having a home away from home, is that this beautiful Scripture is officially true for me:

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.  Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.  As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.  For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.  (John 17:15-19)

I can stand in confidence that despite the changes in my environment, the Lord will protect me from the evil one.  I can be sanctified by the truth.  That I have a home that is not of this world, and I can hope that it will come, a home that may be in a near or distant future, but it's definitely there. My countrymen may think and feel sorry for me because it doesn't sound like a nice and beautiful life.  But in my heart, I just have a new definition of home -- where there is shalom and quiet confidence that God is moving and present.  Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  There is love.  And every separation is an opportunity to bridge the gap -- not for the purpose of vain contribution to society, but for love in its purest form.  

So yeah, I don't miss home because I am home.  But I am longing to show my family and friends in my country that I love them beyond measure.

Hidden Manna

Hello blogging world!  It's been a while since I wrote something -- a thought, a quote, reflection.  Somehow, I feel within me the need to write once again and share random ideas or lessons that I pick up along the way.

You might ask, why did I name my blog Hidden Manna?  This name is inspired by a verse in Revelation 2:17:

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name written, which no one knows except he who receives it.

Manna is something that is very close to my heart.  Like the Israelites back in the days of Moses, I had my seasons of wilderness, where I didn't have any choice but to rely on God's "manna".  I am not usually the type of person who asks for help.  However, in God's loving kindness and generosity, help is always on the way, and it comes in perfect timing.

Secondly, the latter part of the verse talks about a white stone with a new name written, which no one knows except he who receives it.  I find this part very personal, like a secret that no one understands except the one who possesses it.  Everyone has something hidden in his heart -- whether it's something good or bad.  But this one refers to something rather intimate and special, and I believe it is better than good.  It may be something that no one could ever relate to, but I know that whatever that hidden thing is, Someone understands it.   Between the Giver and the receiver, the white stone is probably like a precious gem.

So hopefully, this blog would also be a source of manna to whoever reads it.  May this blog be also my source of hope in the days of sorrow when I return to it, to remember the good things that I have picked up along the way -- white stones of beautiful memories. :)