I have to admit, cooking is not my thing. Domestication is not my thing either. I am a self-confessed brat. If I can pay for services to get things done at home, I would. I praise the Lord that now, I cannot actually afford it. I have to learn domestication myself. My consuelo de bobo for myself why I am ok with the simple lifestyle is that someday, there might be a possibility that I have to start over again in my career. Serving the Lord in a foreign land with hardly anything to start with is proof that one can have a full life without having worldly riches. Honestly, I keep looking back on those days when I had plenty. Repeatedly, I would ask myself why I allowed myself to go through self-inflicted pain. But constantly, the Lord is reminding me of the reason why I came here in the first place. I didn't come here to please myself, but to learn about Him. Living this life is a preview that future struggles will not kill me, but will change me and improve me as a person.
Yesterday, I finally decided to do something worthwhile, which was to cook, rather, bake something for a friend who served as a missionary in Mindoro. She told me that she loved Bibingka. The thought of cooking scared me, to be honest. I don't like getting burns, I don't like failing, I don't like wasting ingredients if it'd go bad. The list can go on, of my many excuses why I refuse to cook. So yesterday, I conquered the fear of cooking by baking Bibingka for the first time.
I bought 2x more the ingredients that I needed, just in case the would screw up, I can start over. I found myself double, triple, quadruple checking the instructions, making sure I was doing it right. I also found myself making some changes even, and not following the instructions perfectly. I allowed myself to taste uncooked mixture of Bibingka, just to be sure that its sweetness is acceptable to me. It didn't taste awesome, but I had an idea how the sweetness level was.
In the process, the baking pan that I used leaked. I was debating with myself - should I start over, and throw everything out? I learned that cooking required quick thinking - how to deal with crisis, and how to not waste your resources. It actually requires similar life skills as in managing work, people and life. So quickly, I used a smaller pan that I didn't plan on using, moved everything into that pan, and continued baking. I had my share of crisis management at 9 in the evening, and I loved the adrenalin rush. Thanks to my lovely roommate, she actually saw that I didn't use the right settings in the oven. So she fixed my setting, and I waited for 20 minutes for the Bibingka to finish baking. Lo and behold, I had my finished product. I let it cool a bit for 10 minutes and put cream cheese on top of the slices that I made for myself and my roommate. It actually tastes pretty good. I must say, praying over that Bibingka must have made it possible haha! The best thing that I learned from baking was that, unlike life in general, I will get my results in a matter of minutes. I didn't have to wait days or months or years to know if I made the right decision. I actually felt I accomplished something good!
Fresh Bibingka from the oven. See the marks that my fork left because I kept checking haha! Recipe here.
Have I decided to keep cooking and completely conquer my fear of cooking? Ummm, honestly, I'm not there yet. I saw that cooking may not be my most favorite thing, as it is such a solitary activity. I like team things, not solo activities. So maybe, my heart will change someday. Let's see. Yesterday's output was definitely an encouragement to keep trying and learning. It was definitely proof that my fears were irrational and illogical, and they are not worth keeping.
