Silence is Golden: Lessons from a 2-Night Silent Retreat

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (Prov 17:28) 

Last weekend, I went on a 2-night silent retreat at Latrun. Yes, you’re reading it right. I went on a silent retreat where it was forbidden to speak for 2 long nights. Honestly, I signed up with great expectations that it is going to be amazing. When I arrived at the Community of Latrun and saw my wonderful room, I exclaimed to the Lord, “Oh God, You will be speaking to me clearly in this place!”  I admit, I was completely terrified. I remembered how Isaiah responded when the Lord showed up. He was horrified by his sinfulness.

The Lord made sure that I understood He was behind all these. He showed me that He is taking care of me, and He is providing for every need that I have, especially for that weekend. On the very first chapel meeting, I found myself coughing like mad, that I had to step out to cough, so as not to disrupt the silence. Hoping I wasn’t contagious, I went back. A co-attendee whom I never met before offered his bottle of water, and the Lord gave me a clear verse from the story of the Samaritan woman - those who drink from Me will never go thirsty again. I thought, what was that about?

The night went on and I met a lot of interesting people. I heard some of their stories and they were so fascinating. While talking to my facilitators over dinner, I told them that I’m an extrovert, and I love to talk. They encouraged me that there were talkers who came there in the past, and they survived 1.5 days of silence. They managed expectations - you will be silent, and you will not be able to get to know anyone. If possible and highly recommended, no cellphones, which I also wanted to do. I thought, how hard could it be? 1.5 days. My only concern was - it’s a pity. It looked like an amazing group with wonderful people, and I can’t get to know them?

So what happened during the moment of silence? I read lots of chapters in the Bible - 15 chapters in the Book of Genesis, 4 short books in the New Covenant, and more than a handful of random but complete chapters in other books like Proverbs, Psalms and New Covenant books. Frankly, I haven’t read this much of the Bible for a long time. I even wrote 16 whole pages on my journal. Around 14:30 Saturday, I was almost getting crazy with the silence. I wasn’t sure if I could survive it. I tried practically every method I could do - sing, read, write, walk, dance, jump, etc. I also left my phone on Airplane Mode in my bedroom. To check the time, either I’d go to the dining hall, or the bedroom. IT. WAS. HARD. It didn’t help that every time it gets hot, I would start to cough and get desperate for water. I usually get thirsty very quickly, but that weekend was impossible. I was drinking water almost as if I was breathing air.

What did I learn?

1. The presence of the Lord is not something I should take lightly. In fact, the presence of the Lord is dangerous. While I know I was earnestly seeking the Lord with all of my heart, and I found Him, His presence had consequences. He showed me that He is the Consuming Fire, nothing unholy is fitting before His presence. I saw my flesh, how horrible she was, and saw why I want her badly dead at all times. She was screaming in agony because of the fire. It was painful. What is the cost of being in the presence of the Lord for all eternity? Everything. Is He worth it? Yes. 
2. I came to a point that I started to enjoy the presence of the Lord again. While being with Him was painful, it was also pleasant and beautiful. I learned to look at people without words, to see what they need by hearing a cough or a sniffle. I saw that people were doing the same thing as well - anticipating each other’s needs without words. Serving one another in silence. Loving one another as brothers and sisters in gentleness and quietness. I saw how silence can communicate so many things. Yes, there are ways to talk - a smile, hand gestures, mouthing of words, and a gentle touch. Silence spoke a lot of gentleness that I’ve never known I could receive, nor I could give. All I knew is that in that short time I was with strangers, I felt loved and safe. I was home. 
3. I learned that the world has given me too much distractions - social media, internet articles, instant connectivity. I couldn’t anymore see the value of the most important things - silence, being still before the Lord, watching others with completely joy, serving one another. Oh what great pleasure it brought me while watching people reading the Bible, being on their knees before the cross, and anticipating each other’s needs! It was absolutely amazing! I wondered if our words have so much bearing to the Lord. Even if we don’t talk, He must still be joyful watching us. For 1.5 days, I shared with His joy watching people who do not talk. Now I understand why He said He first loved us while we were still sinners - who cannot talk to Him, or didn't know they can.

The retreat ended with sharing, and one of the facilitators, Brother Elia, concluded with the verses in the Samaritan woman: Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” While I experienced immense physical thirst, I was also thirsting for the Lord. The Lord gave me an advance notice of the thirst which I didn’t understand at the beginning. It was so amazing to hear it at the end to tie everything that I learned altogether. It's just proof that He is able to share a story about Himself that I could understand in the level where I am at.  And like the Samaritan woman, she responded by telling everyone that Jesus had known what she has done.

I heard about many things that the Lord can do. Before I have heard of them, now I see them.

My Latrun spot - most beautiful during the golden hours (early AM and nearly sunset).  Best shared with a friend.