Setting Boundaries

For the past few months, my key lesson has been setting proper boundaries.  One of the things that I've noticed is that, as a Filipino, I have difficulty setting boundaries as we are, by nature, a Yes-Man. Not setting proper boundaries will result to toxic and codependent relationships, poor work-life balance, fatigue, emotional stress, and spiritual roller coaster.  There could be more ugly side effects on the lack of setting boundaries.  But I will not be discussing them.  However, I would like to share my top 5 lessons so far.

1. You don't have to please everyone.  Not everyone will be happy with you, so if they are not happy with you, it's OK. (For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10)
2. You don't have to be loved by everyone.  Make it a goal that you are at peace with yourself in your relationships with others.  Keep your eyes on your goal - for a Christian, it's to live in peace with everyone AND to be holy.  (Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14)
3. Trust is a precious gift.  Don't give it away as if it's not worth anything.  It is earned, and it must not given completely in the first meeting.  However, there is such a thing as a healthy level of trust that can be given to someone that has not earned it yet.  For example, your team, your boss, your friends, your family.  You have to trust them to some degree that you are not completely shattered when they don't do their part.  There is only One Person worthy of all your trust, and it is the Lord. (It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. Psalm 118:8)
4. You are not responsible for another person's feelings.  However, it is your responsibility to act wisely.  People feel disappointed, hurt, betrayed, <name a negative emotion> because they have expectations -- of the situation and of you.  Ask for discernment to know what those expectations are, and know if they are agreed, communicated, reasonable.  There is huge chance that 90% of the expectations are unreasonable, and be ready to firmly say NO when they demand.  For example, a person who expects that all machines will work flawlessly is out of his/her mind.  Machines, like human beings, have their "moods", and they may not work.  What needs to be focused on is how to get it fixed and working, not the state of it not working.  Similar principles apply to relationships.  Expecting relationships to be perfect is like expecting for rapture to happen now -- that everything will be heavenly perfect and there will be no more tears.  It will never be perfect as long as we live, and it is important to know what needs to be fixed, who are involved, and to make a decision if something even needs to be fixed at all. (Where do wars and fights among you come from? Do they not come from your lusts that war in your body? You lust and do not have, so you kill. You desire to have and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have, because you do not ask. You ask, and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your passions. James 4:1-3)
5. Focus on whatever is true, honorable and right.  There is no need to try to manage or change the other person's emotion.  Have the decency to give them the right to feel what they feel, and own it.  You don't, so don't try to change it.  Truth, however, can be discussed, and will never change even if emotions keep swaying in different directions. (Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8)