5 Smooth Stones

Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the brook and put them in his shepherd’s pouch. His sling was in his hand, and he approached the Philistine. (1 Sam17:40)

Everyone has his own troubles and trials. David, as a young man, had a bear, a lion, brothers giving him a hard time. And he had Goliath.

Goliath was an important opponent. He was a new and powerful enemy, but somehow, David had the confidence that he was ready to fight him. He represented a enemy kingdom - in which if David would defeat Goliath, there were legal or territorial implications to both kingdoms. He was the last opponent David had before his life started a whole new season.

David fought this jaw-dropping, unforgettable battle not with sword or javelin, but with the name of the LORD of Hosts, the God of the armies of Israel. He had full knowledge that the battle is the LORD’s and he will win. His choice of weapon: 5 smooth stones. The battled marked an entirely new season for David - from David the shepherd, to David the warrior, then soon after, to David the king. 

I like David’s choice of weapon. They were light, smooth and far-reaching. If it reaches the target right, it can achieve great victory. I often think that I need to collect 5 smooth stones in every season in my life, and the stones come in a form of lessons that are far-reaching and transcending times and situations, smoothened by turbulent waters, and light - because it makes me feel light by having them in my heart.

My most recent season that ended brought me a few smooth stones - precious lessons that I’ve gathered for the past 3+ years in Jerusalem, in a place where there’s diversity of nations, peoples, cultures, assumptions, denominations, but rooted in the love of Christ Jesus. I’ll share with you 5 of smoothest ones.

1. Over communicate - in an international organization, people have different assumptions and definitions of things. We also have different expressions, thought patterns and emotional disposition. Some are more creative, some are more methodical. We bring with us the uniqueness of our nation, background, experience and skills. However, while it makes the Body incredibly beautiful, it can also be a source of misunderstanding. Hence, there’s a need to over communicate - even if it means conversations will be a lot longer. It is uncomfortable at first, but you’ll get used to it. 
2. Dry dock - I took this concept from Sara Lanier’s book called Foreign to Familiar. In an international assignment, expats often have a hard time adjusting because their basic needs are not easily met - deep and safe friendships, love, affection, respect, emotional connection. Dry docking is the time for a boat or ship to come to rest on a dry platform for repair and maintenance. We, human beings, also need a time of rest in a stable place, where we know we are completely loved and accepted, a time to heal emotional wounds. Going home to your family is a good way to do this. Being part of a local body of believers will help, too. Being in the Body not only gives you a safe place to just be, it’s also a place to hear and learn. Hearing and knowing the truth often leads to healing. Because we only see in part, and we are limited by our flesh, being in the Body allows us to see things in a different way.  While there is only One Way, there is always another angle. 
3. Number our days to gain a heart of wisdom - when you know you have limited time, it will be easier to sift through the negatives, and you can gain new strength to find the positives.  Time is limited, make the most out of it, they say. In the process of numbering my days in order to gain a heart of wisdom, the most beautiful thing I saw is a person's heart that loves the Lord.  He showed me an important lesson - do not to regard a person in the flesh, but in the design of the Lord for each person.  In His eyes, everyone is a victorious prince or princess.  We don't always live like one, but He sees the victorious Son in every person covered in His blood. I don't see others like that often, either. But I know He can show me again if I forget. 
4. While it is absolutely necessary and good to hear from the Lord, there is a possibility that it won't turn out exactly the way that we heard because flesh gets in the way - the need to be affirmed, to get what we want, to be seen righteous, etc.  But it's ok.  Even Paul took time to get there.  Only until it was a matter of life and death and persecution that I read him say - I have faith that it will happen exactly as how the Lord told me it'll happen (see book of Acts, he said this before a shipwreck).  The Lord allows us to get into this zone to keep us humble and to depend on Him.  It's not good to live life apart from Him.  There is no end in dying to self, in crucifying the flesh and living each day of being close to Him until we leave our mortal bodies.  Listening to Him takes time, effort, mileage, experience and so much more.  It takes a lot of death to self and expectations. The more painful, the better.  Where there is more need for death and grace, there is more opportunity for resurrection. 
5. You don’t have to change anyone - people are not our project. We are not supposed to change them. There’s this wonderful quote that Rumi wrote (with a longer version written by an unknown monk): “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” More and more each day, I am convinced that healing the sick and raising the dead are easier for God to do. Transforming hearts is the biggest miracle that He has done, and is still doing until now. This doesn’t happen without our personal choice to be changed. And our job for others? To accept them for who they are. It’s your choice if you want to walk with them.

Silence is Golden: Lessons from a 2-Night Silent Retreat

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (Prov 17:28) 

Last weekend, I went on a 2-night silent retreat at Latrun. Yes, you’re reading it right. I went on a silent retreat where it was forbidden to speak for 2 long nights. Honestly, I signed up with great expectations that it is going to be amazing. When I arrived at the Community of Latrun and saw my wonderful room, I exclaimed to the Lord, “Oh God, You will be speaking to me clearly in this place!”  I admit, I was completely terrified. I remembered how Isaiah responded when the Lord showed up. He was horrified by his sinfulness.

The Lord made sure that I understood He was behind all these. He showed me that He is taking care of me, and He is providing for every need that I have, especially for that weekend. On the very first chapel meeting, I found myself coughing like mad, that I had to step out to cough, so as not to disrupt the silence. Hoping I wasn’t contagious, I went back. A co-attendee whom I never met before offered his bottle of water, and the Lord gave me a clear verse from the story of the Samaritan woman - those who drink from Me will never go thirsty again. I thought, what was that about?

The night went on and I met a lot of interesting people. I heard some of their stories and they were so fascinating. While talking to my facilitators over dinner, I told them that I’m an extrovert, and I love to talk. They encouraged me that there were talkers who came there in the past, and they survived 1.5 days of silence. They managed expectations - you will be silent, and you will not be able to get to know anyone. If possible and highly recommended, no cellphones, which I also wanted to do. I thought, how hard could it be? 1.5 days. My only concern was - it’s a pity. It looked like an amazing group with wonderful people, and I can’t get to know them?

So what happened during the moment of silence? I read lots of chapters in the Bible - 15 chapters in the Book of Genesis, 4 short books in the New Covenant, and more than a handful of random but complete chapters in other books like Proverbs, Psalms and New Covenant books. Frankly, I haven’t read this much of the Bible for a long time. I even wrote 16 whole pages on my journal. Around 14:30 Saturday, I was almost getting crazy with the silence. I wasn’t sure if I could survive it. I tried practically every method I could do - sing, read, write, walk, dance, jump, etc. I also left my phone on Airplane Mode in my bedroom. To check the time, either I’d go to the dining hall, or the bedroom. IT. WAS. HARD. It didn’t help that every time it gets hot, I would start to cough and get desperate for water. I usually get thirsty very quickly, but that weekend was impossible. I was drinking water almost as if I was breathing air.

What did I learn?

1. The presence of the Lord is not something I should take lightly. In fact, the presence of the Lord is dangerous. While I know I was earnestly seeking the Lord with all of my heart, and I found Him, His presence had consequences. He showed me that He is the Consuming Fire, nothing unholy is fitting before His presence. I saw my flesh, how horrible she was, and saw why I want her badly dead at all times. She was screaming in agony because of the fire. It was painful. What is the cost of being in the presence of the Lord for all eternity? Everything. Is He worth it? Yes. 
2. I came to a point that I started to enjoy the presence of the Lord again. While being with Him was painful, it was also pleasant and beautiful. I learned to look at people without words, to see what they need by hearing a cough or a sniffle. I saw that people were doing the same thing as well - anticipating each other’s needs without words. Serving one another in silence. Loving one another as brothers and sisters in gentleness and quietness. I saw how silence can communicate so many things. Yes, there are ways to talk - a smile, hand gestures, mouthing of words, and a gentle touch. Silence spoke a lot of gentleness that I’ve never known I could receive, nor I could give. All I knew is that in that short time I was with strangers, I felt loved and safe. I was home. 
3. I learned that the world has given me too much distractions - social media, internet articles, instant connectivity. I couldn’t anymore see the value of the most important things - silence, being still before the Lord, watching others with completely joy, serving one another. Oh what great pleasure it brought me while watching people reading the Bible, being on their knees before the cross, and anticipating each other’s needs! It was absolutely amazing! I wondered if our words have so much bearing to the Lord. Even if we don’t talk, He must still be joyful watching us. For 1.5 days, I shared with His joy watching people who do not talk. Now I understand why He said He first loved us while we were still sinners - who cannot talk to Him, or didn't know they can.

The retreat ended with sharing, and one of the facilitators, Brother Elia, concluded with the verses in the Samaritan woman: Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” While I experienced immense physical thirst, I was also thirsting for the Lord. The Lord gave me an advance notice of the thirst which I didn’t understand at the beginning. It was so amazing to hear it at the end to tie everything that I learned altogether. It's just proof that He is able to share a story about Himself that I could understand in the level where I am at.  And like the Samaritan woman, she responded by telling everyone that Jesus had known what she has done.

I heard about many things that the Lord can do. Before I have heard of them, now I see them.

My Latrun spot - most beautiful during the golden hours (early AM and nearly sunset).  Best shared with a friend.

As Me: 4 Levels of Consciousness

For the past few months, I have been watching videos from a business coach named Peter Sage. I must say, he’s brilliant and an excellent communicator. I am usually very careful about accepting secular thinking. I would often check what the Bible says about certain topics, so I could keep my focus on God’s agenda, and not on worldly things. Admittedly, worldly things are very attractive.

Today, I am attempting to add to Peter’s video on The 4 Levels of Consciousness, and hopefully, making it relevant to a committed Christian. For your reference, you may want to check out his video. It’s about 20 minutes long, and it’ll be worth your time.

Peter begins with a statement from Albert Einstein: We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them. This statement gave birth to the concept of “levels of consciousness”, and Peter simplified it in 4 levels.


1. To Me (Victim State) 

A person at this level has a mantra that “everything happens to me.” He would say things like: “If you had my boss/family/circumstance...” He believes that he is wronged by someone else, and others inflict trouble TO him. It’s a very sad and limited level of existence. As Peter would say it, a person at this level lives life at effect, and not at cause. When things go wrong, he will always have someone to blame because things didn’t turn out the way he planned it. How do you know that you are in this level? You probably feel bored and disempowered.  I call this state the "defeated" state.

2. By Me (Achiever State)

A person at this level recognizes that if he will just wait to win the lottery, he might wait forever. He realizes that he’d rather do things himself, and make things happen. His mantra is “life will happen BY me.” Compared to the To Me level, the By Me person is far more productive than the former. Most people are probably in this level. 

How does one move from To Me to By Me? To move to the next level, he must give something up, and replace it with something else. He must give up BLAME and replace it with RESPONSIBILITY. Most of the self-help and personal development tools are geared towards moving from To Me to By Me. Things like – setting goals, have persistence, cultivate desire, how to have joy and success, and make life in your own terms. 

Coming from a To Me level, the motivation to move to By Me starts with awareness that something is not right. One questions if it is worth it to take responsibility and action, or just close the door and slide back to the To Me state. For example, a chain smoker could realize the smoking is bad for him. Does he just hold it intellectually in his mind that smoking is bad? Or will he move forward with the awareness of the consequences, and take action? 

At the beginning, the By Me mode can be fun and exciting. Moving from bored to achieving is an amazing accomplishment. However, this can be very exhausting. It is like being in a supermarket with everything on sale, and we elbow each other to get what we want. It’s like – if I put a lot of energy on something, I’ll get half of what I want. How do you know that you are in this level? You are probably tired, overworked, but you have results. You are hoping that there is another way to do things, hopefully, easier. I call this state the “striving” state. 

3. Through Me (Flow State) 

A person at this level is in a much more relaxed state than By Me. Things happen. Doors open before he puts his hand on the handle. People show up at the right place at the right time. Everything seems effortless. I would call this state the “rest”/”cease striving” state. However, some people who have not understood this level can easily fall back into the By Me, and swim upstream again. 

What does one need to give up to move from By Me to Through Me? He must give up the NEED TO CONTROL. What can we really control in life? Notice that it doesn’t say “give up control”, but just the NEED to control. He must embrace uncertainty a little higher. It’s like letting go of the death grip of how life should look, and allowing himself to flow a little more with the river, rather than panic, because it is not going to the direction that he is expecting. Then he starts to let go of the By Me heart attack lifestyle. 

What does one need to replace the need of control with? Peter asserts that there are 3 things that can be useful: 

1. BELIEF – belief is formed when we have references. The things we believe in are things that we have tested, we have done ourselves, or someone else has done it. It is something that has proof. Belief gives us a feeling of certainty. The more references we have on a certain belief, the stronger it becomes. I recall a time that my boss in my previous job would say in front of his staff that “he believes in the new CEO.” He said that because the CEO has a track record of doing great things in the companies that she led. Additionally, he heard how she speaks, and he is impressed with her, and saw a lot of potential in the company with her leadership. His proofs are her track record and her behaviors. 
2. FAITH – when belief collapses, faith can enter. Faith is very useful because it works with the absence of references. One doesn’t need proof to have faith. When one has great faith, it can be strong enough to compel him forward despite lack of evidences that it is right, or it will work. However, faith has a limit. There is a force that counters it called doubt. When our doubt is greater than our faith, we stumble. If someone gives us a perfectly timed false evidence or fear, our faith can be tested and could potentially plummet. Faith can become unstable when we try to question – did I really hear from God? Or I just made that up in my head? Or I just interpreted it to fit my desires? Did I overly spiritualize the Word of God and assumed that my interpretation is God’s interpretation? 
3. KNOWING – there is something more supreme than faith. It’s called Knowing. With knowing, you know that what you know is truth. There is no struggle, no effort, nothing to defend, nothing to conquer. Knowledge of the truth is just plain truth. For example, if I let go of a stone from my hand, I don’t say – “I believe that the stone will hit the ground” or “I have faith that the stone will hit the ground”. But I will say “I know that the stone will hit the ground – the law of gravity.” There is safety in knowing the truth. Have you ever gone into a stage of moving from “I believe that God is good because I was told and I read in the Bible that He is” to “I have faith that God is good because I am going through crisis and He’ll walk with me through this” to “I know that God is good with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I have seen the beauty and goodness of God. I know Him.” 

4. As Me (Oneness State) 

A person at this level is in a much higher level of consciousness. In his eyes, there is a strong sense of connection, there is no separation, and his mantra is “I see myself as you”. I listened to a sermon from my pastor in Israel, and he was explaining the beauty of the greatest commandment: Love the LORD with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. And to love your neighbor as yourself. He emphasized on the word “as yourself”. In Hebrew, it is כמוך (kamocha). He explained that what it actually means is that your neighbor is someone who “is like you”. It implies that we love our neighbor with the awareness that he is no different than us, he’s like us, a sinner, imperfect, and needing salvation. 

Peter suggests that in order to reach this level of consciousness, one must give up the ILLUSION OF SEPARATENESS. I would like to suggest that we also must give up PRIDE. Pride makes us see that we are higher than someone else, and hence, making us feel that we are different from others. What do we replace them with? Lo and behold, I was not surprised that Peter said UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. 

It encourages me to know that while this man that I listen to, who doesn’t have the same faith as me, whom I highly respect, came to the same conclusion as I, and many people of the same faith as me did – what a man desires is unfailing love.

How does unconditional love look like based on Bible? It is to die to self, just as what Yeshua did at the cross. He died for our sake, and called the men to love their wives just as He did for His Church. With the power that He has because He is God, He was able to resurrect Himself from the dead. His love does not only give a love worth dying for. His love also has the power to resurrect the dead, and to live for all eternity. He offered the most important thing that we need - FORGIVENESS - while we are still sinners.  This is the richness of His love, that He is able to accept us fully for who we are, while walking with us to our best version of ourselves.  After all, He is our Maker, He knows what's best for us, and the best that we can be - our glorified bodies.  His love comes with much faith and much hope in who we can be with Him.  While I’ve heard too many definitions of unconditional love, His love is still unbeatable, and still the greatest one of all.  I would call this state the "glorified" state.

As a bonus, here's a video from Myles Munroe on How Love Works.

The highest level of consciousness is to know God's mind

I Want to Know What Love is

Proverbs 19:22 - What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar. 

I have a concern. I realized that there are just waaaayyy too many advice regarding relationships. If you are reading this, you might be thinking, what will this article say now about relationships? If you are like me, you may have the tendency to accept advice as they come, but do we really test them whether they are true or not? I have listed down the top 7 competing thoughts in my head about relationships.

1. It is the Lord Who will give you a partner. It’s a divine appointment.
2. You are given the freedom to choose your partner. Just have standards.
3. You will know when he is the right person. You can go with what you feel.
4. Chemistry is so important. Without it, there is no attraction.
5. The guy has to make a move first. The girl must not do anything, and just hope and pray.
6. The girl must give hints to a man so that he will be encouraged to move forward.
7. You need to identify what you need and want in a person, otherwise, you’ll end up with someone you don’t want.

While these points may be true to some degree at a certain period in any male-female relationship, it leaves the listener, especially a woman, a bit hanging. Surely, it is good to heed advice from people. Women tend to accept any form of advice out of desperation, saying, “maybe if I follow this advice, I will get what I want - marriage.” But when a better advice comes along, we follow the new advice and so forth. I am led to think that the reason why there are so many advice regarding this matter, is that there is a huge demand for great relationships all over the world. For me, as a single woman, it makes me think that relationships are difficult. Instead of feeling hopeful, I could feel hopeless, or think - is there something wrong with me, why I can’t figure this out? I am also led to ask myself, am I desperate, or do I want a husband too much?

I acknowledge the fact that finding a boyfriend is not an easy journey. Being married is a thousand times more difficult. So I am trying to be practical with my thoughts - is this a right goal? Because if it is a goal, then I must identify the parameters that are required to reach that goal. Are the parameters controllable, or which of them are controllable? My conclusion regarding this matter is that the only controllable and common parameter in every relationship is ME.

Who is this controllable parameter? I am a woman who has freedom to choose my actions. I am free to allow the Lord to change me. I am free to decide how I view every situation that comes before me. I am free to walk away from things and people that are not good for me. I am free to pause, reflect and pray, and to test whether what is before me will be good for me - emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

One important lesson that I learned last year was that my relationship with the Lord is way too precious that I must not allow anything or anyone disturb it to a point of compromise. All my choicest relationships must consider my relationship with the Lord as sacred. Anything that compromises my relationship with the Lord is idolatry or harlotry. I must learn to be strong enough to say no to those things, otherwise, I am making a statement that my relationship with the Lord is not important anymore. Meanwhile, I must acknowledge that human love is such a beautiful and amazing thing, that I might be tempted, but I must be committed enough to the Lord to present everything before Him - my thoughts and my feelings, so I allow Him to be first.

On the other hand, I am also thinking about human love, loving your neighbor as yourself. My pastor in Israel was telling me something profound about this commandment. In Hebrew, the word “as yourself” is written as כמוך, which could also mean - “who is like you”. Love my neighbor who is like me - desperate for unfailing love, could be a hypocrite, may be prideful, inconsistent, could be ashamed, guilty, sinful. Given the limitation of man due to our fallen nature, I learned that I must be committed to ongoing self improvement, acknowledging my strengths, being honest with my weaknesses and be open to love myself despite my weaknesses, and having hope at the possibility that the Lord can do great and amazing things to an open heart. While we commit ourselves to become a better version of ourselves, we will have the opportunity to add value to our relationships - more joy, peace, love, laughter, time. Plus I have some security that I am in the center of God’s will - to love Him and myself and others - and this is a holy cause.

Who knows, maybe we’ll end up thinking that the key to finding the right partner is just point #1 as written above: It is the Lord Who will give you a partner. It’s a divine appointment.

Receiving Love

Galatians 6:9 - And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not give up.

One of the things that I noticed about human beings is their ability to GIVE LOVE EASILY. However, to receive love is a different story. It seems to harder to do.

Why is it difficult to receive love? I have listed down my personal principles of receiving love. Hopefully, as I grow older, my list gets better, and more grounded on wisdom and understanding.

1. Be wise to discern between love that expects something (or everything) from you vs. love that is freely given. The former has the intent to trap you, and will demand from you soon, if not, very soon. It will bring guilty feelings and will make you feel responsible. As if you owe them. The latter does not add any burden to you. If you encounter the former, don’t get too close.
2. To those who love freely, accept their love because it is a pleasure for them to give. Accept it so that they do not feel like they owe you. Make your friendship with them light, and a wonderful thing to keep.
3. To those whom you accept love from, give them the best of your love — TIME. Lots of it. Give them best quantity and quality time. Not half-baked, but pure and undefiled attention. Share with them memories, laughter, sorrows and victories.
4. Observe them, and watch their habits. Sincerely know them for who they are. They are a keeper.

I chose the verse above because I know what I will reap. Love. The real one.

(272 words)

Home Away From Home

It's almost 10 months since I left the Philippines.  I've been asked a few times if I miss home.  For some reason, I could not find the right answer to this question -- do I miss home?

I came to a conclusion that my definition of home has changed.  At some point, I would say it's family.  Or my HP team (where I used to work), where everyone is happy and motivated.  Or CCF Eastwood, my home church.  I also thought it was Jerusalem -- coz eventually, this will become my eternal home: the new Jerusalem, plus it is already where I live now.  So what happened?

My first 5 months in Jerusalem had been very difficult.  I missed my country, the people, the conveniences of a life in excessive abundance, the support system.  It was a period of serious adjustment. I realized that the Philippines was very comfortable -- I knew the culture and the language, the way around practically everything, and I had everything that I wanted and needed.  Being in a new country where I was stripped of what I had (especially the things mentioned above) was a major struggle. I was able to prove with my own life the most important principle of change management --- to keep some things unchanged so that the one receiving the change would not drown.  So yeah, I almost drowned, but found help by the grace of God.

I visited the Philippines last January and met up with some friends and family.  There is one startling thing that got me depressed: that I was a completely different person.  The life that I had was no longer there.  I didn't have the same space that I used to have.  Even if it's still there, I would not be the best person for it.  The things that I went through and was going through during that time were not something people understood, no matter how hard I tried.  I believed I was a gifted communicator.  But at that point, my words failed me.

One evening, I cried the most tears I've ever cried in 2015, when I felt like I mourned my death.  It was a turning point of my life that I finally told the Lord -- "Lord, I give up.  The life that I had is no longer mine.  It is now a memory.  It's not a place that I could go back to, and the only option that is available for me is to have a full and beautiful life in this season that I am in."  After making that decision, words started to fill my heart.  The next people that I met understood what I was trying to say.  I realized that they didn't need to know about my struggles.  All they needed to hear are what I learned, using the same language and cultural context that I grew up with.

Last week, I had an amazing time with my Hebrew teacher.  She shared something very beautiful that really touched my heart -- that me going back to the Philippines is like I'm coming from war.  My experiences created a distinct separation between me and the people from my country, that no matter how hard I try, and how hard they try, it's virtually impossible to communicate what demands to be spoken.  However, the one who does it successfully, the one with the ability to bridge the gap, has the power to make a difference, and influence the recipient of the message to see things in a new light.

I just loved the way she said it.  Indeed, I really came from (and still am in) war -- a different kind of war -- a spiritual one, that looks way different with the one that I had.  The effects of that war also required me to think differently, and to prioritize similar things in a more radical way, that is suitable to my current environment.   My mind was transformed from the mind of a mentoring leader who desires to make a difference, to a mind of a strategic soldier that requires utmost obedience to her Leader.

Given all these new context that I am seeing, I do not know if the Philippines will become my home again.  Also, I cannot officially say that I have fully adjusted in Israel.  However, the most profound thing that I have learned about having a home away from home, is that this beautiful Scripture is officially true for me:

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.  Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.  As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.  For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.  (John 17:15-19)

I can stand in confidence that despite the changes in my environment, the Lord will protect me from the evil one.  I can be sanctified by the truth.  That I have a home that is not of this world, and I can hope that it will come, a home that may be in a near or distant future, but it's definitely there. My countrymen may think and feel sorry for me because it doesn't sound like a nice and beautiful life.  But in my heart, I just have a new definition of home -- where there is shalom and quiet confidence that God is moving and present.  Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  There is love.  And every separation is an opportunity to bridge the gap -- not for the purpose of vain contribution to society, but for love in its purest form.  

So yeah, I don't miss home because I am home.  But I am longing to show my family and friends in my country that I love them beyond measure.