5 Smooth Stones

Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the brook and put them in his shepherd’s pouch. His sling was in his hand, and he approached the Philistine. (1 Sam17:40)

Everyone has his own troubles and trials. David, as a young man, had a bear, a lion, brothers giving him a hard time. And he had Goliath.

Goliath was an important opponent. He was a new and powerful enemy, but somehow, David had the confidence that he was ready to fight him. He represented a enemy kingdom - in which if David would defeat Goliath, there were legal or territorial implications to both kingdoms. He was the last opponent David had before his life started a whole new season.

David fought this jaw-dropping, unforgettable battle not with sword or javelin, but with the name of the LORD of Hosts, the God of the armies of Israel. He had full knowledge that the battle is the LORD’s and he will win. His choice of weapon: 5 smooth stones. The battled marked an entirely new season for David - from David the shepherd, to David the warrior, then soon after, to David the king. 

I like David’s choice of weapon. They were light, smooth and far-reaching. If it reaches the target right, it can achieve great victory. I often think that I need to collect 5 smooth stones in every season in my life, and the stones come in a form of lessons that are far-reaching and transcending times and situations, smoothened by turbulent waters, and light - because it makes me feel light by having them in my heart.

My most recent season that ended brought me a few smooth stones - precious lessons that I’ve gathered for the past 3+ years in Jerusalem, in a place where there’s diversity of nations, peoples, cultures, assumptions, denominations, but rooted in the love of Christ Jesus. I’ll share with you 5 of smoothest ones.

1. Over communicate - in an international organization, people have different assumptions and definitions of things. We also have different expressions, thought patterns and emotional disposition. Some are more creative, some are more methodical. We bring with us the uniqueness of our nation, background, experience and skills. However, while it makes the Body incredibly beautiful, it can also be a source of misunderstanding. Hence, there’s a need to over communicate - even if it means conversations will be a lot longer. It is uncomfortable at first, but you’ll get used to it. 
2. Dry dock - I took this concept from Sara Lanier’s book called Foreign to Familiar. In an international assignment, expats often have a hard time adjusting because their basic needs are not easily met - deep and safe friendships, love, affection, respect, emotional connection. Dry docking is the time for a boat or ship to come to rest on a dry platform for repair and maintenance. We, human beings, also need a time of rest in a stable place, where we know we are completely loved and accepted, a time to heal emotional wounds. Going home to your family is a good way to do this. Being part of a local body of believers will help, too. Being in the Body not only gives you a safe place to just be, it’s also a place to hear and learn. Hearing and knowing the truth often leads to healing. Because we only see in part, and we are limited by our flesh, being in the Body allows us to see things in a different way.  While there is only One Way, there is always another angle. 
3. Number our days to gain a heart of wisdom - when you know you have limited time, it will be easier to sift through the negatives, and you can gain new strength to find the positives.  Time is limited, make the most out of it, they say. In the process of numbering my days in order to gain a heart of wisdom, the most beautiful thing I saw is a person's heart that loves the Lord.  He showed me an important lesson - do not to regard a person in the flesh, but in the design of the Lord for each person.  In His eyes, everyone is a victorious prince or princess.  We don't always live like one, but He sees the victorious Son in every person covered in His blood. I don't see others like that often, either. But I know He can show me again if I forget. 
4. While it is absolutely necessary and good to hear from the Lord, there is a possibility that it won't turn out exactly the way that we heard because flesh gets in the way - the need to be affirmed, to get what we want, to be seen righteous, etc.  But it's ok.  Even Paul took time to get there.  Only until it was a matter of life and death and persecution that I read him say - I have faith that it will happen exactly as how the Lord told me it'll happen (see book of Acts, he said this before a shipwreck).  The Lord allows us to get into this zone to keep us humble and to depend on Him.  It's not good to live life apart from Him.  There is no end in dying to self, in crucifying the flesh and living each day of being close to Him until we leave our mortal bodies.  Listening to Him takes time, effort, mileage, experience and so much more.  It takes a lot of death to self and expectations. The more painful, the better.  Where there is more need for death and grace, there is more opportunity for resurrection. 
5. You don’t have to change anyone - people are not our project. We are not supposed to change them. There’s this wonderful quote that Rumi wrote (with a longer version written by an unknown monk): “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” More and more each day, I am convinced that healing the sick and raising the dead are easier for God to do. Transforming hearts is the biggest miracle that He has done, and is still doing until now. This doesn’t happen without our personal choice to be changed. And our job for others? To accept them for who they are. It’s your choice if you want to walk with them.

Silence is Golden: Lessons from a 2-Night Silent Retreat

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (Prov 17:28) 

Last weekend, I went on a 2-night silent retreat at Latrun. Yes, you’re reading it right. I went on a silent retreat where it was forbidden to speak for 2 long nights. Honestly, I signed up with great expectations that it is going to be amazing. When I arrived at the Community of Latrun and saw my wonderful room, I exclaimed to the Lord, “Oh God, You will be speaking to me clearly in this place!”  I admit, I was completely terrified. I remembered how Isaiah responded when the Lord showed up. He was horrified by his sinfulness.

The Lord made sure that I understood He was behind all these. He showed me that He is taking care of me, and He is providing for every need that I have, especially for that weekend. On the very first chapel meeting, I found myself coughing like mad, that I had to step out to cough, so as not to disrupt the silence. Hoping I wasn’t contagious, I went back. A co-attendee whom I never met before offered his bottle of water, and the Lord gave me a clear verse from the story of the Samaritan woman - those who drink from Me will never go thirsty again. I thought, what was that about?

The night went on and I met a lot of interesting people. I heard some of their stories and they were so fascinating. While talking to my facilitators over dinner, I told them that I’m an extrovert, and I love to talk. They encouraged me that there were talkers who came there in the past, and they survived 1.5 days of silence. They managed expectations - you will be silent, and you will not be able to get to know anyone. If possible and highly recommended, no cellphones, which I also wanted to do. I thought, how hard could it be? 1.5 days. My only concern was - it’s a pity. It looked like an amazing group with wonderful people, and I can’t get to know them?

So what happened during the moment of silence? I read lots of chapters in the Bible - 15 chapters in the Book of Genesis, 4 short books in the New Covenant, and more than a handful of random but complete chapters in other books like Proverbs, Psalms and New Covenant books. Frankly, I haven’t read this much of the Bible for a long time. I even wrote 16 whole pages on my journal. Around 14:30 Saturday, I was almost getting crazy with the silence. I wasn’t sure if I could survive it. I tried practically every method I could do - sing, read, write, walk, dance, jump, etc. I also left my phone on Airplane Mode in my bedroom. To check the time, either I’d go to the dining hall, or the bedroom. IT. WAS. HARD. It didn’t help that every time it gets hot, I would start to cough and get desperate for water. I usually get thirsty very quickly, but that weekend was impossible. I was drinking water almost as if I was breathing air.

What did I learn?

1. The presence of the Lord is not something I should take lightly. In fact, the presence of the Lord is dangerous. While I know I was earnestly seeking the Lord with all of my heart, and I found Him, His presence had consequences. He showed me that He is the Consuming Fire, nothing unholy is fitting before His presence. I saw my flesh, how horrible she was, and saw why I want her badly dead at all times. She was screaming in agony because of the fire. It was painful. What is the cost of being in the presence of the Lord for all eternity? Everything. Is He worth it? Yes. 
2. I came to a point that I started to enjoy the presence of the Lord again. While being with Him was painful, it was also pleasant and beautiful. I learned to look at people without words, to see what they need by hearing a cough or a sniffle. I saw that people were doing the same thing as well - anticipating each other’s needs without words. Serving one another in silence. Loving one another as brothers and sisters in gentleness and quietness. I saw how silence can communicate so many things. Yes, there are ways to talk - a smile, hand gestures, mouthing of words, and a gentle touch. Silence spoke a lot of gentleness that I’ve never known I could receive, nor I could give. All I knew is that in that short time I was with strangers, I felt loved and safe. I was home. 
3. I learned that the world has given me too much distractions - social media, internet articles, instant connectivity. I couldn’t anymore see the value of the most important things - silence, being still before the Lord, watching others with completely joy, serving one another. Oh what great pleasure it brought me while watching people reading the Bible, being on their knees before the cross, and anticipating each other’s needs! It was absolutely amazing! I wondered if our words have so much bearing to the Lord. Even if we don’t talk, He must still be joyful watching us. For 1.5 days, I shared with His joy watching people who do not talk. Now I understand why He said He first loved us while we were still sinners - who cannot talk to Him, or didn't know they can.

The retreat ended with sharing, and one of the facilitators, Brother Elia, concluded with the verses in the Samaritan woman: Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” While I experienced immense physical thirst, I was also thirsting for the Lord. The Lord gave me an advance notice of the thirst which I didn’t understand at the beginning. It was so amazing to hear it at the end to tie everything that I learned altogether. It's just proof that He is able to share a story about Himself that I could understand in the level where I am at.  And like the Samaritan woman, she responded by telling everyone that Jesus had known what she has done.

I heard about many things that the Lord can do. Before I have heard of them, now I see them.

My Latrun spot - most beautiful during the golden hours (early AM and nearly sunset).  Best shared with a friend.

Adopted into the His Household - Eivind Osnes

It’s rather late that I’m writing something related to Shavuot. I transcribed and inserted some of my thoughts, not many, from my favorite message related to this Feast. This was a sermon at Christ Church given by one of the wisest men that I’ve ever known - Eivind Osnes, whom I met in Jerusalem last year. It’s amazing how clearly he communicates the things the Lord shares with him. You can listen to the message from my Google Drive thru this link, time to listen is 28:02.

14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.  (Romans 8:14-17)

Those who are led by and guided by the Spirit of God - you are now sons and daughters of God. The Spirit cries out as a witness, that YOU BELONG. You are a son or a daughter of the Most High King!

What does it mean to be sons and daughters of the King? Let’s jump to Acts 10, the story of Cornelius, which a lot of us would know very well. At this point, the Spirit bears witness that the Gentiles are part of God’s Family, that they belong to His household. This is the first time that Gentiles have received the Spirit of adoption.

It is hard to be adopted. Sometimes, we have to deal with the fact that we come from a different background from the family that adopted us. However, to be adopted is to become a real and full son and daughter. We, Gentiles, we need to be reminded: what kind of household did we get into? What does it mean to be heirs? Sometimes, we have the attitude - let’s just hang around, let’s not get into trouble, and let’s wait for our inheritance. Sometimes, we don’t understand that we’re missing out. We have a struggle, as we are adopted into this different household of God. It’s probably because we don’t know what it means to be a family or to have a Father in the Biblical sense.

A Father in a Biblical sense means He is the source of the family. He provides and protects. He will give us an inheritance. Because He is the Father, He is worthy of honor and respect. He can give discipline and guidance to the family.

Inheritance. Is it always a material thing? What is the inheritance in the Biblical sense? While inheritance is also a material thing, it is also inheritance as a character. I love how Eivind explains it - that we inherit things and we inherit traits. In Filipino, we say, pamana for material inheritance, and nagmana for inheriting traits. What do we inherit from the Father?

1. His value - what the Father is worth, the children is worth.
2. His roles - as our Father is doing, so do His children. The children will represent the Father. They will show everyone who He is.
3. His mission - we go and join in His mission.

It’s so easy for us to miss this out. It’s not because we’re lazy, but it’s because we don’t realize our inheritance is so much more. Our inheritance is to show the world the character of God.

What are the characteristics of the family?  What are they like?

On the day of Pentecost/Shavuot, the Israelites were celebrating. One of the intents of the Feast is to thank God for His provision and blessings (Feast of the First Fruits). It developed into something more, as man does not live on bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. It became a reliving and celebration of the giving of the Torah. The people were gathered in the desert during the time of Moses, and God revealed to them how they can live with each other, and how they can live with God in shalom, in a way that reflected to the world who He was. So that Israel can be a light to the nations. So they could do what Abraham was promised by God when He said, “I will bless you so you can be a blessing to the nations.”

It goes further in the Prophetic books. In the book of Jeremiah, The LORD says, one day, I will make a new covenant. I will give you a new heart, and I will write the law upon your hearts and you will be able and be willing to do what is according to my will. In the book of Ezekiel, the LORD says, I will put my Spirit within you. That Spirit will make you able and willing to live according to my teachings, instructions and guidance so you may show the world who God is.

In the New Covenant, during Pentecost/Shavuot, we read about the outpouring of the Spirit upon Jerusalem. On that day, the LORD gathered in His church 3,000 people witnessing about who Yeshua is - how He came, how He is the New Covenant, a Sacrifice for their sins, how He defeated death and resurrected, and defeated evil for once and for all. This Spirit (Ruach רוח), which also means wind or breath, comes upon them and something completely new happens. It spread like wildfire on that day. What was that Ruach? When we hear the word Ruach, it should automatically remind us of Creation, when God breathed into Adam. He became alive. As God is coming upon Jerusalem, He breathed life into them and they became new.

That is the kind of family that we got adopted into - a family that must honor God and His Word.  A family that believes in His promises for them. A family that is given the Torah with laws that are difficult to follow, but are promised to receive a new heart and new spirit to be able to obey these laws. A family that is given a calling to be a light, a blessing and a reflection of the character of God on the earth. 

How should life and relationships be in God’s household?

• It is a life that is about our Father, not about ourselves. 
• In this household, it’s not a life that is comfortable for me, or good for me. It is good and comfortable for me in some ways, because He is the God of life. Additionally, it shouldn’t be shocking that His household is life-giving to us. After all, the Father is the Author of life, the Creator Himself. 
• It’s about the Father’s mission and purpose for this world - bringing life and light, creating this world anew. 
• Knowing that He is the Almighty, it will also give us the confidence that we have the provision/protection for whatever that comes our way, as long as we are led by His Spirit. 
• Our relationships are no longer about us, it’s about the Father. Relationship becomes characterized by yielding to the other, living a lifestyle of forgiveness. 
• In this household, we are to have a lifestyle of generosity, because He is generous, and He gives to everyone. To have a good eye, to have a good treasure in heaven. It's about giving to the poor, because God himself gives to the poor. 
• We are to have a lifestyle of seeking righteousness, justice, mercy - because that is who God is.
• Our material blessings and inheritance are for the fulfillment of God’s mission for his household.
• Our life in this household is reflecting His character.
• In this household, the things of the world are called obstacles - burden, entanglement, However, despite that, there is an abundance of life. 
• It’s a lifestyle of rest and trust. 
• We know that the Father is the Almighty King. We know that He sees beyond what we see. We know His Word is truth, even if it doesn’t make sense with our common sense. 
• He invites us in a lifestyle of availability and listening. However, there is a condition here: those who are led by the Spirit. If we want to live a life in this household, we need to listen and be available. This invitation is not so much about us. He’s the one who makes the calls here. It’s not about our qualifications. It’s how He wants to qualify us to use us. 
• Therefore, He calls us not to worry, not to be concerned about what the world around us is concerned about, not to be scared, not even of death. That’s not dangerous, Jesus says. Don’t be afraid of death and suffering, as in these, you glorify Me. You come even closer to My heart.

Let us press forward, and come closer into that life where we receive His Spirit, the breath of life into our lives, and we walk as sons and daughters in His household.

Photo taken from http://turkrazzi.com/

Two Sides to Every Story: Sarah Lanier

Earlier this year, I wrote my personal reflections about one of the teachings that moved me - from Peter Sage's 4 Levels of Consciousness.  I was treading with caution, because I wanted to make sure that I don't get into something that is against the word of God.  A couple of weeks after writing that blog entry, I discovered that Peter Sage was imprisoned for fraud.  It taught me so much about praying for the people that I look up to, and to present before the Lord what I learn from others.  After all, the Lord desires that we do not to conform in the ways of the world, and be transformed in the renewing of the mind.

Today, I am writing my personal reflections and highlights on Sarah Lanier's message (27 minutes long) at Narkis Baptist Church in Jerusalem.  She's my most favorite speaker on cross-cultural communication.  I read her life-changing book Foreign to Familiar, which was necessary for me to read, especially that I am currently based in Israel, a country not my own.  Sarah's personal goal, her calling, is not easy - to help people get along with each other.  She is a Leadership Personnel Strategist.  Her specialty is in the field of mediation and leadership transition.

According to Sarah, the biggest challenge of the Body of Messiah is UNITY.

In the message, she gave an example of a wonderful woman of God who was kidnapped, worked in a war zone, having her people die in her arms, and been diseased and hungry.  One day she burned out and went through counseling. She had the grace to go through all those difficult challenges, but when her team went into disunity and conflict, she had no grace.  She realized that in disunity, God is not present.  It is impossible to work into those circumstances without the Lord, because it's too big for the flesh.  She realized she has nothing to give if the Holy Spirit is not with them.

Why don't we, the Believers, recognize that unity is the hardest task?  The Bible says when 2 or 3 are gathered in His Name, there He is with them (Matt 18:20).  The opposite is also true.  Enmity between and among each other prevents true worship.

Oneness with Yeshua

I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours. And all Mine are Yours, and Yours are Mine, and I am glorified in them. Now I am no longer in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep through Your name those whom You have given Me, that they may be one as We are. While I was with them in the world, I kept them in Your name. “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. (John 17: 9-12a,20-23) 

John 17 is one of my most favorite chapters in the Bible.  Here, Yeshua is calling the disciples to intimate oneness with Himself, just as He and the Father are One.  He knew that the disciples will struggle with unity.  If the Believers are united, these are the benefits: Messiah is glorified in them, the world may believe that God has sent Yeshua, the world will see that God and  Yeshua are One, they will be made perfect, and they will know that they are loved, just as God has loved Yeshua.  It appears that arguing is NOT the way of the Lord.  He wants man to be submitted to Him and not to compete with one another.

This behavior is infamously known as Submission.  In our day and age, it is considered as a weakness.  Yeshua seems to suggest that the strategy for having people understand who He is, is our own behavior to each other.  If the enemy can attack that, and keep us from getting along with each other, then the presentation of the Gospel is worthless.  We often hear "I can't believe they're fighting, Christians shouldn't be fighting like that."  It's precisely the reason why they are fighting because they are Christians.  There's a spiritual dynamics to it.

Here, Sarah presented amazing tools and questions on how to facilitate submission to one another:

1. What is the side of the person that the Lord focuses on?  We know that the Lord doesn't focus on our weaknesses.  He sees us in His image with all the potential that He has created in us.
2. What is the other side of the story?  After all, there is no story until there are 2 sides of the story.
3. Ask a question to the other person, instead of making a statement.  Making a statement puts one in a trap of quickly judging the person without defense.  Yeshua speaks strongly against judging one another.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Matt 7:2)
4. What if I got it wrong?  It takes a lot of self-control to not judge, a lot of humility to assume that maybe you got it wrong and they got it right, no matter how wrong their actions seem to appear.  But those who do have self-control and humility to stop the response and believe in the highest of the person is called a peacemaker.  Blessed are the peacemakers.
5. Why don't we get along?  It's because we are made differently, and the Lord applauds the difference.  While it is beautiful that we are different, it is also the cause of disagreements - values, gender, culture, power, doctrine.  The differences can become idols.  If what I believe about something is more important than the Lord to be glorified through our unity so that world will be drawn to Him, then I have a problem. 
6. What can we do: laying down differences, having self-control, staying silent and looking for the good, or staying away from the person, anything but don't walk in disunity.  Don't dishonor the Lord.

There are some people made to be aggressors or opinionated or strong leaders.  We wouldn't have pioneered work without them.  Even leaders usually have anger issues.  The personality type High D have high propensity for anger, in which I myself am one (High D and High I).  However, there are people who are not that way at all.  They are type that want everyone to be happy, they are the glue of society, but they are easily offended.  The offense turns into gossip, then turn into polarizing people, then leads to division.

Culture is often a source of disagreements.  For the Individualist culture, people have the right to say their mind, especially the Americans, whose country is founded on personal rights. For the Group culture, everybody in the family is expected to lay down their rights for the sake of the group.  They are not allowed to put themselves forward.  When these two come together, there will be a lot of conflict.  If we recall the prayer of Yeshua in John 17, Yeshua asks the Lord to please help the believers get along.  Help them walk in unity.

When we allow ourselves to be angry, judge others and take offense, we lose the benefits of having unity in the Body, and we also lose our peace.  We have the option to think or say something like "I know this person's character, there must be an explanation for this."  It is our choice to be angry.  Yeshua wants us to get along and love each other.

Sarah ends the message with this awesome advice: Don't get too close to each other if you're too different and you don't have time to work out your differences.  Opposites attract and often marry one another.  However, the requirement of marriage is a deep commitment to unity.  It demands so much death to self and denial, without the luxury to do it our way.  In the same way, that's what it takes for the body of Messiah to get together, and walk together.  Death to self and a commitment to unity.  The commitment to one another is not as strong.  Hence, the commitment should be unto the Father.  For His Sake, and for the Kingdom's sake, it is worth it to die.  For Your sake, I will not make an issue about it.  For Your sake, I will not be mad.  If we make those decisions, something wonderful happens.  It comes with a benefit that we are asking for.  In the Lord, there is peace, harmony and love.  Being in the Lord requires that unity, and it is our choice.  If we choose not to demand our way, then the Holy Spirit knows He is welcome, and will be in our midst.  That's when He can work powerfully beyond what we can do.  May the Lord give us that power and that humility.

As Me: 4 Levels of Consciousness

For the past few months, I have been watching videos from a business coach named Peter Sage. I must say, he’s brilliant and an excellent communicator. I am usually very careful about accepting secular thinking. I would often check what the Bible says about certain topics, so I could keep my focus on God’s agenda, and not on worldly things. Admittedly, worldly things are very attractive.

Today, I am attempting to add to Peter’s video on The 4 Levels of Consciousness, and hopefully, making it relevant to a committed Christian. For your reference, you may want to check out his video. It’s about 20 minutes long, and it’ll be worth your time.

Peter begins with a statement from Albert Einstein: We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them. This statement gave birth to the concept of “levels of consciousness”, and Peter simplified it in 4 levels.


1. To Me (Victim State) 

A person at this level has a mantra that “everything happens to me.” He would say things like: “If you had my boss/family/circumstance...” He believes that he is wronged by someone else, and others inflict trouble TO him. It’s a very sad and limited level of existence. As Peter would say it, a person at this level lives life at effect, and not at cause. When things go wrong, he will always have someone to blame because things didn’t turn out the way he planned it. How do you know that you are in this level? You probably feel bored and disempowered.  I call this state the "defeated" state.

2. By Me (Achiever State)

A person at this level recognizes that if he will just wait to win the lottery, he might wait forever. He realizes that he’d rather do things himself, and make things happen. His mantra is “life will happen BY me.” Compared to the To Me level, the By Me person is far more productive than the former. Most people are probably in this level. 

How does one move from To Me to By Me? To move to the next level, he must give something up, and replace it with something else. He must give up BLAME and replace it with RESPONSIBILITY. Most of the self-help and personal development tools are geared towards moving from To Me to By Me. Things like – setting goals, have persistence, cultivate desire, how to have joy and success, and make life in your own terms. 

Coming from a To Me level, the motivation to move to By Me starts with awareness that something is not right. One questions if it is worth it to take responsibility and action, or just close the door and slide back to the To Me state. For example, a chain smoker could realize the smoking is bad for him. Does he just hold it intellectually in his mind that smoking is bad? Or will he move forward with the awareness of the consequences, and take action? 

At the beginning, the By Me mode can be fun and exciting. Moving from bored to achieving is an amazing accomplishment. However, this can be very exhausting. It is like being in a supermarket with everything on sale, and we elbow each other to get what we want. It’s like – if I put a lot of energy on something, I’ll get half of what I want. How do you know that you are in this level? You are probably tired, overworked, but you have results. You are hoping that there is another way to do things, hopefully, easier. I call this state the “striving” state. 

3. Through Me (Flow State) 

A person at this level is in a much more relaxed state than By Me. Things happen. Doors open before he puts his hand on the handle. People show up at the right place at the right time. Everything seems effortless. I would call this state the “rest”/”cease striving” state. However, some people who have not understood this level can easily fall back into the By Me, and swim upstream again. 

What does one need to give up to move from By Me to Through Me? He must give up the NEED TO CONTROL. What can we really control in life? Notice that it doesn’t say “give up control”, but just the NEED to control. He must embrace uncertainty a little higher. It’s like letting go of the death grip of how life should look, and allowing himself to flow a little more with the river, rather than panic, because it is not going to the direction that he is expecting. Then he starts to let go of the By Me heart attack lifestyle. 

What does one need to replace the need of control with? Peter asserts that there are 3 things that can be useful: 

1. BELIEF – belief is formed when we have references. The things we believe in are things that we have tested, we have done ourselves, or someone else has done it. It is something that has proof. Belief gives us a feeling of certainty. The more references we have on a certain belief, the stronger it becomes. I recall a time that my boss in my previous job would say in front of his staff that “he believes in the new CEO.” He said that because the CEO has a track record of doing great things in the companies that she led. Additionally, he heard how she speaks, and he is impressed with her, and saw a lot of potential in the company with her leadership. His proofs are her track record and her behaviors. 
2. FAITH – when belief collapses, faith can enter. Faith is very useful because it works with the absence of references. One doesn’t need proof to have faith. When one has great faith, it can be strong enough to compel him forward despite lack of evidences that it is right, or it will work. However, faith has a limit. There is a force that counters it called doubt. When our doubt is greater than our faith, we stumble. If someone gives us a perfectly timed false evidence or fear, our faith can be tested and could potentially plummet. Faith can become unstable when we try to question – did I really hear from God? Or I just made that up in my head? Or I just interpreted it to fit my desires? Did I overly spiritualize the Word of God and assumed that my interpretation is God’s interpretation? 
3. KNOWING – there is something more supreme than faith. It’s called Knowing. With knowing, you know that what you know is truth. There is no struggle, no effort, nothing to defend, nothing to conquer. Knowledge of the truth is just plain truth. For example, if I let go of a stone from my hand, I don’t say – “I believe that the stone will hit the ground” or “I have faith that the stone will hit the ground”. But I will say “I know that the stone will hit the ground – the law of gravity.” There is safety in knowing the truth. Have you ever gone into a stage of moving from “I believe that God is good because I was told and I read in the Bible that He is” to “I have faith that God is good because I am going through crisis and He’ll walk with me through this” to “I know that God is good with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I have seen the beauty and goodness of God. I know Him.” 

4. As Me (Oneness State) 

A person at this level is in a much higher level of consciousness. In his eyes, there is a strong sense of connection, there is no separation, and his mantra is “I see myself as you”. I listened to a sermon from my pastor in Israel, and he was explaining the beauty of the greatest commandment: Love the LORD with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. And to love your neighbor as yourself. He emphasized on the word “as yourself”. In Hebrew, it is כמוך (kamocha). He explained that what it actually means is that your neighbor is someone who “is like you”. It implies that we love our neighbor with the awareness that he is no different than us, he’s like us, a sinner, imperfect, and needing salvation. 

Peter suggests that in order to reach this level of consciousness, one must give up the ILLUSION OF SEPARATENESS. I would like to suggest that we also must give up PRIDE. Pride makes us see that we are higher than someone else, and hence, making us feel that we are different from others. What do we replace them with? Lo and behold, I was not surprised that Peter said UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. 

It encourages me to know that while this man that I listen to, who doesn’t have the same faith as me, whom I highly respect, came to the same conclusion as I, and many people of the same faith as me did – what a man desires is unfailing love.

How does unconditional love look like based on Bible? It is to die to self, just as what Yeshua did at the cross. He died for our sake, and called the men to love their wives just as He did for His Church. With the power that He has because He is God, He was able to resurrect Himself from the dead. His love does not only give a love worth dying for. His love also has the power to resurrect the dead, and to live for all eternity. He offered the most important thing that we need - FORGIVENESS - while we are still sinners.  This is the richness of His love, that He is able to accept us fully for who we are, while walking with us to our best version of ourselves.  After all, He is our Maker, He knows what's best for us, and the best that we can be - our glorified bodies.  His love comes with much faith and much hope in who we can be with Him.  While I’ve heard too many definitions of unconditional love, His love is still unbeatable, and still the greatest one of all.  I would call this state the "glorified" state.

As a bonus, here's a video from Myles Munroe on How Love Works.

The highest level of consciousness is to know God's mind

Walking Together

Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet? (Amos 3:3)

I found a really interesting video on YouTube made by an Israeli-born American comedian.  He makes silly videos that make a lot of sense, as these are real thoughts going on in our heads that are unspoken.

Check this video out: click HERE.

It reminded me so much about Amos 3:3 - Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?  In this world of increasing individualism, people prioritize results over relationships.  Why don't we agree to walk together?  Why is it awkward to be with strangers?

It's a very short, seemingly silly video with a lot of depth.  Enjoy! :)

P.S. I miss hearing that funny Israeli accent. :)))

A Warrior and a Princess

In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. (Eph 1:5-6)  

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, (Eph 6:13-17) 

I have a nagging thought in my head. I could not understand why I am not passionate about being a Proverbs 31 wife. I would catch myself thinking this each time my single female friends say that they could see themselves as one, and I would wrestle with it. Somehow, it made me feel that there is something wrong with my feelings, or there is something wrong with them.

One fine day, I gathered up the courage to seek the Lord on this matter. I delayed asking because I was afraid to hear God’s answer - what if He said that I should get married, or not? What if He points me to a person that I don’t like? So I asked, “why am I not passionate about being a Proverbs 31 wife? Why is it that the only thing that stands out for me is the line “the woman who fears that Lord is to be praised”? Why can’t I associate this with my identity? Lord, how do You see me? Who am I? I know I asked You this countless of times, but I need help today.”

I was quite surprised to receive His response to my question - “Thea, how do you see Me?” I smiled. I love it when the Lord asks me questions. So I answered - “You are the LORD of Hosts, the King of Kings, and You are my Good Father.” The Lord asked me a second question - “With how you see Me, what does that make you?” I answered - “I am a warrior and a daughter of the Most High.” It turned out that my question on Proverbs 31 led me to know the answer to a more important question - who am I in reference to my Father?

A warrior and a princess.

I love being called a warrior. I feel like I’m part of a great and awesome mission and adventure, and I am in the front line of the battle, thinking about tactics and strategy to defeat the enemy. I would always imagine angels and a war in the spiritual realm, and I know Who will win. There I am, watching, praying, smiling, thinking that the Lord of Hosts has already won the battle. 

A princess. I’ve always had the princess complex. At a young age, I recall seeing myself higher than everyone else, as if my father is a great and valiant warrior, a mighty king*, and I am his precious daughter who resembles him.  However, in my Heavenly Father’s Kingdom, I am designed to be like Him, which also means that I have to be a servant, too. He is a King Who is not far from His people, a King Who loves, a King Who is interested about His people and interacts with them. To be like Him, I must go lower.

However, being a warrior and a princess at the same time is a tricky and sticky situation. Both roles require different costumes and weapons. The warrior requires the full armor of God, always ready to fight in battle. The princess needs to wear the robe of righteousness and the crown of life, and her weapon is love. I want to do a little play on words, the warrior needs her neshek נשק (weapon), the princess needs her neshika נשיקה (kiss).

Sometimes, I do not choose the right role in certain situations - I use my warrior weapons on people, and I shrink in feminine meekness during the war. So my greatest takeway from my conversation with God was to learn how and when to use my weapons, and to be better in both roles.

* My father is an Arthur and a Cole - both are kings, just like him (his name is Arthur Cole)

P.S. Hearing this from the Lord brought me back to a not-so-distant memory when I attended a Women’s Retreat way back in 2010. I recall the speaker talking about finding a mate, and she spoke about the Warrior-King, as her image of God in her mind, and of her future husband. So to my future husband / man in the Garden, you are my warrior prince, and I am waiting for you.

A warrior and a princess on her knees

Diving in the Ocean of God's Grace

I love diving. I've had some of my best moments with the Lord underwater. At some point, I asked the Lord - why would You keep such a beautiful underwater world hidden for the land creatures to see? I felt like a new revelation was given to me when I asked a very simple question.

Yeshua often speaks in parables and metaphors. He's such an excellent storyteller and communicator, which I must say, one of His most attractive traits that draw me close to Him over and over again. So today, I would like to write about my underwater experience in parable/metaphor form.

The Kingdom of God is like the world underwater. One will not be able to see and know what is in there, without actually going there and experiencing it for himself. When he gets there, he won't see anything like it in his reality or his world. It's a different world, with colors, life, structure and peace that one cannot imagine to be possible. It is too wonderful for a man of the land to comprehend. Also, first hand experience is much better than the pictures, or in an observatory. One needs to be immersed in it to really know what it is about.

The holiness of God and the unholiness of man is a world of difference, like the land and the underwater. Holy and unholy have nothing in common. Similarly, the land and the underwater have nothing in common. If a person from the land would force himself to live underwater, he will die.

To survive the underwater, one must have faith in his suit and gears. Without faith in his equipment, it is impossible to enjoy the underwater, as one will be diving in fear of danger and death. The diver is required to trust in the weight belt that will keep him grounded, the wet suit that will keep him warm, the fins that will allow him to move quickly, the regulator that gives him breath, the buoyancy control device that keeps him on a level that he's at, and the knowledge of underwater diving, at the same time, trusting the dive master that he knows what he's doing. Similarly, a believer is called to wear the armor of God - the girdle of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, the helmet of salvation, the shield of faith and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.

To communicate underwater, no audible words are necessary or heard. The divers communicate through a language that they can only understand. The goal of communication is to ask how you are - are you good and safe, the way to go, what you need to see. The job of the diver is to follow. The job of the dive master is to lead and help. Like in our relationship with God, realistically speaking - our opinions don't really matter as much as His truth. Our job is to know His commandments and follow them. His job is to lead and to help. Lastly, the diver's job is to trust the dive master, as there is no way to survive the underwater without trusting him. Similarly, we can't survive the life of a believer without trusting Him and His directions.

The goal of diving is to enjoy the underwater, to appreciate the life hidden from the world and to rest in that extraordinary peace that it brings. Like the life in the Messiah, the goal is to enjoy Him and His presence, to appreciate the life that He has given us, and to enjoy His rest and the extraordinary peace that He brings. When we leave that solemn and sacred place, that peace won't depart our hearts and we carry it with us, even when we are above water, or in the world.

Photo taken from Phuket Scuba Diving

Five Difficult Lessons (New Arrows in My Quiver)

For the past few months, I have been having a writer's block. The main reason for it is I was confronted with a truth that I am so afraid to admit, which was my hyprocrisy. How can I write such beautiful learnings, when I am confronted with my own sin, shortcomings and failures? I have come to learn that sharing my learnings and living them are 2 separate things. The learnings can be tested through fire - if I am really able to live the things I claim that I've learned. Does my life really show a testimony that I've learned well?

There are 5 key items in my most recent and current season that I believe I need to learn. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm good at them, but I am starting to see the benefit of having them in my quiver.

1. Waiting patiently
Waiting is not one of my best traits. I can wait for a few things, especially if it's my first time to wait on something or someone. However, I realized that waiting patiently is not something I do consistently. In fact, I noticed that I am pretty selective on things that I can wait for, and I set different standards on certain things and people. I learned that the key to waiting patiently is to lay down my expectations - the higher the expectations, the higher the chance that I get impatient. This boils down to communication of expectations - the more promises given, the higher the expectations. If I meet a person for the first time, and this person is late or cancels, it is easier to show grace to him/her, compared to a person whom I've known for a long time.  I could view it that this person is taking my friendship for granted. However, how does God wait? (Ecc 3:1) How long does He wait? What is He waiting for? (Hab 2:3) What are His standards for mercy and grace when it comes to waiting? Does He get angry while He waits for us? Does He lecture us while He waits for us? How does He respond when finally, we are at that place that He has been waiting for for soooo long? (Luke 15:22)

2. Obeying without seeing, or even expecting the blessing
I was taught earlier in my walk with the Lord that I have to claim the promises of blessing in the Word. While that still works, I realized that counting my future blessings sometimes does not help me. It creates self-entitlement in my heart, to demand from God what I deserve to have because I did my share of righteousness. It actually led me think - do I just obey the Lord because of what He said He'd do if I obey? Do I obey Him because that's what a good Christian should do - I get a confirmation, then I must do it? Or do I do it because I care about Him? (1 John 5:3) What about Abraham who was promised decendants as numerous as the stars, and he died without seeing them? Or what about Yeshua, who was promised a pure and spotless Bride, and we see the bethrothed Bride as... stained? He waited and is still waiting for His Bride, and it appears like the Bride is not necessarily getting purer, but more... stained, with blood - not of Yeshua, but hers? How does Yeshua, who is God, deal with this?

3. Confronting with truth, if possible, with love
One of my biggest stumbling blocks is confronting truth - say Yeshua and His ability to confront with such directness and boldness that blows my mind away. Or the prophets, how can they say such incredibly horrible things about people, totally politically incorrect, not even encouraging? I learned that my culture has taught me a lot of ways to flatter people. I love my people, the Filipinos. We feed on encouragement, affection, even if it's not exactly the truth. As long as it feels good, and the person feels encouraged. I realized that it's not exactly the best thing to do. Do we really help others by flattering them? Does the Lord flatter people? I can always pull the Gideon card - but didn't the Lord believe in the best of Gideon, when He said that he's a brave and valiant warrior before he became one? So my question is - what is the right way to confront truth? Would things be different if Yeshua did not confront Peter that Satan was influencing him? I was listening to a podcast from Derek Prince, and he had a very interesting translation for "speaking the truth in love". He goes - "be honest with your love." Until now, I have not figured out how to live that. However, knowing that the Lord revealed that piece of gold nugget to someone gives me hope that there is actually a better way to do this truth and love thing. As of now, I am learning to confront truth faster than I used to. I realized that confronting truth is such a great way to set boundaries. I just need to get better at seeking the truth, because that's harder compared to saying them. I can easily be swept away by my feelings, and miss out on reality. And hopefully, when I am ready to learn the second part of the verse, I can be honest with my love. (Eph 4:15)

4. Humility without expecting to be exalted
How interesting it is that culturally, Filipinos find it so easy to say sorry. We say sorry for the most mundane things, even for things that don't really lead to offense. However, just like everyone else, we are also plagued with the difficulty to say sorry on things that cause offense. Humility is not a natural human behavior. Our society has taught us to exalt ourselves - our name, our role, our background, our results. Humility is difficult because we hardly see any reward to it. In fact, there are more times that we get persecuted for humbling ourselves, as there is a temptation to condemn someone who admitted his sin. In Filipino, we'd say, "eh di umamin din?" ("See, finally, he admitted his mistakes?" This statement is often said with sarcasm) While I completely believe the Word when it said - the humble will be exalted, I realized that being exalted is not the ultimate motivation of humility. (James 4:10) I learned that we can get to know a person better with how they react towards someone humbling himself - will they condone, persecute, judge a person who humbled himself? Or will they show compassion and mercy? Learning more about people is such a wonderful experience. It tells us about how far we can invest in our relationships with specific people, if they can be a friend to keep, or they can just be acquaintances. I have come to a conclusion that the 2 greatest reward for humility are genuine friendship and knowledge (Matt 5:5). Being exalted is secondary. It may or may not happen in the timing that we want. But who cares? (Prov 22:4)

5. Not wanting so badly (covet)
Not wanting (Ps 23:1) is probably one of the most difficult things for me. I am the type of person who is very clear about what I want, what I need, and what I want to happen. I realized that it's much easier to communicate my wants and needs if I know my place, I know the level of authority and power given to me, and I am able to assess properly what I can demand from that circumstance. The lack of discernment on the last part can cause shame. The lack of knowledge on the first 2 parts cause anxiety and/or confusion. In some extreme cases, I could get depressed, or even resentful. I kept replaying a narrative in my head about what I should have because I had them at some point. I find myself telling the Lord, until when should I suffer? (Phil 1:21)  However, there's something very beautiful about being in lack (which I often use interchangeably with "not in luxury"). It taught me that there are a lot of things that I don't need. Honestly, I still want them, but I don't need them. The longer that I live this life, the more distant the memory of luxury becomes. I observed that this lifestyle has changed (and is still changing) the way I think, plan and even worry. There are many things that I want, but I don't want them as badly anymore. However, there is one thing that I still want with passion - to know what is right, what is fair, what is wise. To know how to respond based on that knowledge. To know and understand the timing of God. To know when to fight and when to withdraw. To know when to share and what to share. Solomon was not condemned for asking for wisdom. And the Word says that the Lord will not rebuke me for asking for wisdom, and He is ready to give it abundantly. (James 1:5)

What I learned from cooking

I have to admit, cooking is not my thing.  Domestication is not my thing either.  I am a self-confessed brat.  If I can pay for services to get things done at home, I would.  I praise the Lord that now, I cannot actually afford it.  I have to learn domestication myself.  My consuelo de bobo for myself why I am ok with the simple lifestyle is that someday, there might be a possibility that I have to start over again in my career.  Serving the Lord in a foreign land with hardly anything to start with is proof that one can have a full life without having worldly riches.  Honestly, I keep looking back on those days when I had plenty.  Repeatedly, I would ask myself why I allowed myself to go through self-inflicted pain.  But constantly, the Lord is reminding me of the reason why I came here in the first place.  I didn't come here to please myself, but to learn about Him.  Living this life is a preview that future struggles will not kill me, but will change me and improve me as a person.

Yesterday, I finally decided to do something worthwhile, which was to cook, rather, bake something for a friend who served as a missionary in Mindoro. She told me that she loved Bibingka.  The thought of cooking scared me, to be honest.  I don't like getting burns, I don't like failing, I don't like wasting ingredients if it'd go bad.  The list can go on, of my many excuses why I refuse to cook.  So yesterday, I conquered the fear of cooking by baking Bibingka for the first time.

I bought 2x more the ingredients that I needed, just in case the would screw up, I can start over.  I found myself double, triple, quadruple checking the instructions, making sure I was doing it right.  I also found myself making some changes even, and not following the instructions perfectly.  I allowed myself to taste uncooked mixture of Bibingka, just to be sure that its sweetness is acceptable to me.  It didn't taste awesome, but I had an idea how the sweetness level was.

In the process, the baking pan that I used leaked.  I was debating with myself - should I start over, and throw everything out?  I learned that cooking required quick thinking - how to deal with crisis, and how to not waste your resources.  It actually requires similar life skills as in managing work, people and life.  So quickly, I used a smaller pan that I didn't plan on using, moved everything into that pan, and continued baking.  I had my share of crisis management at 9 in the evening, and I loved the adrenalin rush.  Thanks to my lovely roommate, she actually saw that I didn't use the right settings in the oven.  So she fixed my setting, and I waited for 20 minutes for the Bibingka to finish baking.  Lo and behold, I had my finished product.  I let it cool a bit for 10 minutes and put cream cheese on top of the slices that I made for myself and my roommate.  It actually tastes pretty good.  I must say, praying over that Bibingka must have made it possible haha!  The best thing that I learned from baking was that, unlike life in general, I will get my results in a matter of minutes.  I didn't have to wait days or months or years to know if I made the right decision.  I actually felt I accomplished something good!

Fresh Bibingka from the oven.  See the marks that my fork left because I kept checking haha!  Recipe here.

Have I decided to keep cooking and completely conquer my fear of cooking?  Ummm, honestly, I'm not there yet.  I saw that cooking may not be my most favorite thing, as it is such a solitary activity.  I like team things, not solo activities.  So maybe, my heart will change someday.  Let's see.  Yesterday's output was definitely an encouragement to keep trying and learning.  It was definitely proof that my fears were irrational and illogical, and they are not worth keeping.

Best Way to Ruin a Relationship: Unmet Expectations

James 4:1-3. What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.   You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

I was told by a wise woman that the key to ruining a marriage is unmet expectations. I am not married, but I realized there is something very profound about that statement. In fact, we can conclude that the key to ruin any form of relationship is unmet expectations.

I was also told by other wise people in my life that if I have expectations, I must put it into words. Business trainings would always tell us that the most important step in building your network is to identify your expectations, other people’s expectations, and manage them accordingly. This is one advice that we can apply in every relationship that we have.

So what are my expectations? I’ve listed down my good expectations and why I think they are good. And my bad expectations, which I hope would be replaced by better narratives when the time is right, or when my heart is ready. 

Of God

1. I expect Him to surprise me, because He is wiser and all-knowing and He can do it because He can.
2. I expect Him to work, with or without me doing anything, because He doesn’t need me to complete His work. He is already sufficient on His own. However, if He chooses to involve me, then I’m up for a great adventure.
3. I expect Him to talk to me, because we are in a relationship. It’s just a right expectation.
4. I expect Him to nudge me when I sin, because sin prevents me from having fellowship with Him. He hates sin, so I expect Him to tell me. I want to go back to point #3, because we are in a relationship, I expect Him to tell me what He doesn’t like.
5. I expect Him to deal with me as quickly as possible, because I don’t want to keep doing stupid things, and stray away. The longer it gets dealt with, the painful it becomes for us.
6. I expect that He will love me no matter what I do, even when I sin. Because His Word says He would. And I expect that He will help me worship Him with all that I am despite my mistakes.
7. I expect Him to understand me, but not necessarily say yes to all my demands. My prayers may come from wrong motives, but I need Him to hear my heart.
8. I expect that He would meet my emotional needs on His own accord, because He promised He will meet all my needs. I expect that if I don’t get it the way I want to get it, He will show me His ways, because His ways are better.
9. I expect that He would teach me how to relate to others, because I can become socially awkward, and I need Him to lead me how to love others. After all, it’s His expertise.
10. I expect that when I have wrong expectations, He would set me straight. He knows how demanding I can be, but He is still my Leader and my Boss, so I expect that He tells me when my demands are not good for me, and for us.

Of Myself
Good/Fair Expectations

1. I expect myself to desire personal improvement, because stagnating is just not an option.
2. I expect myself to do stupid things and lean on my own understanding because I do not always have the right tools, or the right heart.
3. However, I also expect that I will run to the Lord because I do not know any other way to live that will guarantee me peace.

Bad/Unfair Expectations

1. I expect that I can change quickly, but it is wrong, because I do not really dictate the timing of my transformation.
2. I expect that my emotions can quickly comply to the word of God, but it is wrong, because I am a woman, and I am emotional. I am not a machine to force myself into submission.
3. I expect that I will be able to discern what is good and bad from all information that enters my brain, but somehow, it is not possible, because most bad things start from good intention.
4. I expect that I become humble, but I may never get to a point of real humility because I have a body made of flesh. I may be humbled for a while, but my body will find reasons to be proud again. I want to be humble because this is the only way for me to view myself properly – as how God views me.
5. I expect that I will be able to protect myself from hurt, because it’s painful. But I will never know love if I do not know pain.

Of others
Good/Fair Expectations

1. I expect them to surprise me, because people are just wonderfully unique, and have value to contribute to the table, no matter what their background is. I expect that I will be fascinated by how they think, they feel, they process things.
2. I expect that I will find what is beautiful about them, because they are made in the image and likeness of God.
3. I expect that there is a possibility that they could hurt me, because we have different values.
4. I expect the possibility that I could love them deeply, because they are made in the image and likeness of God.
5. I expect that they would tire me out and would drain me in some occasions, because they have emotional needs that would require that I get emptied.
6. I expect that they will exercise their right not communicate their expectations, and would leave me hurt to a degree, because keeping silent is their right.
7. I expect that the closer I get with them, I give them the right to hurt me.
8. I expect that it is the Lord who holds my relationship with them, because I cannot control them, even if I wish I could.
9. I expect that I would find someone who would be ok with me for who I am, and to have an honest relationship with him/her/them, because I am a human being that needs fellowship. However, it is the Lord who will provide for me, and I must not force them into giving me what I need. I must also consider what they need, and see if I could give them what they need, whether or not they will do the same for me.

Bad/Unfair Expectations

1. I expect them to either love me or hate me, nothing in between. I want to make a little dent in the lives of people that I encounter, but this may not always be possible. And this may come from wrong motives, like exalting myself.
2. I expect that they won’t mind if I decide to walk away from them. I was told that it is my divine right to choose my friends, and I expect them to be able to deal with it if we do fall away. But this may never be true for all friendships. So this is may not be an expectation, but what I really hope for. 
3. I expect that somehow, they would find the Messiah, because I have Someone that I want to live the rest of eternity with, and He is awesome. I want them to know Him because I want them to experience His love.   Because I want it so much for them, it makes them feel that I cannot accept them for who they are.

 So what about you? What are your expectations?

Art by Alexander Milov

4 Summer Destinations to Get Away and Reconnect with God

Summer is coming very soon, and surely, the first thing that would probably cross our minds is – where should I go for a summer vacation? Of course, as believers in Jesus, we are trained to think that we must be wise in our spending, at the same time, we must not forget the One Who is about to provide for this much needed rest. I have listed my top 4 picks, not because they are popular, but these are the places where I had (or still having) the best moments with the Lord.

1. Israel
If you have a lot of extra cash to have the most magnificent time with the Lord, go visit Israel. For obvious reasons, this country was gone for almost 2,000 years, is currently speaking a resurrected language (Hebrew) which was dead for almost 2,000 years, and is a survivor of multiple wars. The existence of Israel is a miracle in itself, and for those who have never visited the land, I recommend that you should before the Messiah returns. After all, the new heaven and the new earth when the Messiah returns to reign will be here, literally, in Israel. Imagine walking along the Mt of Olives, where the Lord ascended and will return. Or see for yourself the places where our Lord Jesus performed miracles. Or touch the Canaanite tunnels where Abraham and Melchizedek probably did the first communion. Israel is filled with stories and visuals that will bring life to your bible reading. After all, when we were kids, we loved books with pictures more. What if you are able to see, feel, touch, smell the locations that the Bible is talking about? How awesome that would be! I have been living in Israel for a year and a half, and I still could not get enough it.
What you need to know: If it’s your first time, I would suggest that you join a tour. I recommend that you either (1) join your local church if they are organizing one. The advantage of being with your churchmates is that you have someone to rave with, and passionately share your insights and revelation. Plus, you can share your thoughts in your local language, and you can cry freely. (2) Join a tour organized here in Israel. I highly recommend joining scheduled trips by One For Israel. This organization has a Bible School in Israel, and their mission and vision is just amazing. They also specialize in Apologetics the Hebraic way, so you can have a taste of how our forefathers would discuss with non-believers during their time. (3) Come to the Feast of Tabernacles to join many Christians all over the world to celebrate the event. The biggest organizer during the feast is the International Christian Embassy in Jerusalem. Many Christians flock to Jerusalem during this time because the Bible tells us in the book of Revelation that the only feast we will be celebrating during the Millenial reign is the Feast of Tabernacles. So it’s exciting to see a foreshadowing of things to come when the Messiah returns. Note that this event happens during autumn, when the weather in Israel is just perfect.
Practical tip: Learn a few Hebrew words like Shalom (hello), Toda raba (thank you very much), Bevakasha (please or you’re welcome), Sliha (sorry or excuse me), Sherutim (bathroom), Hamud (cute). I can guarantee you that you’ll fall in love with the land. Bring your most beautiful smile, as Israelis love seeing smiling people. While you focus your eyes on the Lord, don’t get yourself distracted with the people, as Israel is known to be the land of many good looking people.

2. Hongkong
If you have a fairly ok budget, I recommend that you visit Hongkong. It doesn’t seem like one of the holiest places to visit, but there are a few things that you can find that are amazing. Ma Wan island is a very small island where you can find a park called Noah’s Ark. They have a replica of the ark, and they have a lot of cool things that a child of all ages will enjoy, from 3 till even 80 maybe. It’s encouraging to go there as you will see how much Christians are willing to invest to find proof for the Bible. You’ll be so amazed at how accurate and excellent the Lord is with the details. Another interesting place to visit is Cheung Chau. It’s accessible by ferry, and is perfect for those who like to walk. I took a hike in that area, and it’s just peaceful, serene and beautiful. The best treat that I had there is I found a Baptist church and seminary right on top of the hill. We know Hongkong as more Buddhist than Christian, but seeing traces and strongholds of our Lord in places where He is ideally not so known is quite encouraging. Extra bonus, you can cross over to Macau and do a really fun activity – bungy jumping. One thing I can say about bungy jumping, is that control is something that we don’t need. We can let go, be free and enjoy life. It doesn’t have to last for just 10 seconds. It can be for the rest of our lives.
Practical tip: When you visit Ma Wan, make sure you come there first thing in the morning. One day is not enough, and you’ll surely want to come back again. Bring decent hiking shoes if you plan to go to Cheung Chau. If you’re planning to bungy jump, don’t torture yourself by hesitating to jump. Just jump, and enjoy. While you focus on learning more about the Lord, don’t get yourself distracted with shopping. It’s a really big temptation.

3. Mt. Pulag
If you’re Filipino and you’re into adventures, but you don’t want to suffer too much, Mt. Pulag is perfect for you. There is a trail called Ambangeg trail. It’s an easy climb, and you get to see many beautiful sceneries. The nice thing about being in Mt. Pulag is you get to have a stopover at Baguio to have those delicious strawberry taho. Have you ever wondered what it is like to see what God sees? Or seeing the bigger picture? Sometimes, it’s not easy for us to grasp the bigger picture, but maybe, all we need is another perspective. Climbing a mountain will give you a different view of the world – how water forms connect to each other, how valleys form the most incredible suspension, and can house such beautiful creations. Somehow, this will give us a tiny glimpse of how the Lord sees the beauty of His handiwork.
Practical tip: Best way to climb a mountain is to join a hiking group. I have only tried hiking with Trail Adventours, and they are just amazing. You’ll fall in love with their guides, how patient and proactive they can be. I found real friends from this group. You’ll enjoy their company.

4. Anilao
If your frustration is not being able to swim, but would like to see the underwater, take heart! You don’t need swimming skills to dive. All you need to know is how to walk and breathe, and have some skills to survive, which is something that can be learned. The Philippines is so rich in natural resources, and we have one of the best marine life in the world. Anilao is just a 2-hour drive away from Manila, and can be done as often as you want. Have you ever wondered why the Lord hid the underwater? Isn’t it just like our relationship with Him, something that we must intentionally pursue because the glory of it is worth pursuing and experiencing? Same thing with diving.
I have many reasons why diving for me is such a wonderful activity: (1) you can’t talk. You are just forced to listen and pay attention. In our daily lives, we sometimes miss out listening and paying attention. These are 2 very important ingredients to loving well. (2) You have no other choice but to follow the dive master. Just like our relationship with the Lord, if we just understand this principle, that following the Leader is the key to survival, then we can truly live. Also, the dive master knows the underwater very well. Go where he goes, you’ll see the underwater with his eyes. (3) You cannot dive alone, you need to have a dive buddy. It’s just like fellowship. We can’t live the Christian life alone.
Practical tip: Drink lots of water before the dive. If you feel hungry after the dive, it’s normal. Don’t feel bad about overeating. Don’t drink lots of coffee before diving, even if the Batangas coffee is just too delightful to say no to.

I Want to Know What Love is

Proverbs 19:22 - What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar. 

I have a concern. I realized that there are just waaaayyy too many advice regarding relationships. If you are reading this, you might be thinking, what will this article say now about relationships? If you are like me, you may have the tendency to accept advice as they come, but do we really test them whether they are true or not? I have listed down the top 7 competing thoughts in my head about relationships.

1. It is the Lord Who will give you a partner. It’s a divine appointment.
2. You are given the freedom to choose your partner. Just have standards.
3. You will know when he is the right person. You can go with what you feel.
4. Chemistry is so important. Without it, there is no attraction.
5. The guy has to make a move first. The girl must not do anything, and just hope and pray.
6. The girl must give hints to a man so that he will be encouraged to move forward.
7. You need to identify what you need and want in a person, otherwise, you’ll end up with someone you don’t want.

While these points may be true to some degree at a certain period in any male-female relationship, it leaves the listener, especially a woman, a bit hanging. Surely, it is good to heed advice from people. Women tend to accept any form of advice out of desperation, saying, “maybe if I follow this advice, I will get what I want - marriage.” But when a better advice comes along, we follow the new advice and so forth. I am led to think that the reason why there are so many advice regarding this matter, is that there is a huge demand for great relationships all over the world. For me, as a single woman, it makes me think that relationships are difficult. Instead of feeling hopeful, I could feel hopeless, or think - is there something wrong with me, why I can’t figure this out? I am also led to ask myself, am I desperate, or do I want a husband too much?

I acknowledge the fact that finding a boyfriend is not an easy journey. Being married is a thousand times more difficult. So I am trying to be practical with my thoughts - is this a right goal? Because if it is a goal, then I must identify the parameters that are required to reach that goal. Are the parameters controllable, or which of them are controllable? My conclusion regarding this matter is that the only controllable and common parameter in every relationship is ME.

Who is this controllable parameter? I am a woman who has freedom to choose my actions. I am free to allow the Lord to change me. I am free to decide how I view every situation that comes before me. I am free to walk away from things and people that are not good for me. I am free to pause, reflect and pray, and to test whether what is before me will be good for me - emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

One important lesson that I learned last year was that my relationship with the Lord is way too precious that I must not allow anything or anyone disturb it to a point of compromise. All my choicest relationships must consider my relationship with the Lord as sacred. Anything that compromises my relationship with the Lord is idolatry or harlotry. I must learn to be strong enough to say no to those things, otherwise, I am making a statement that my relationship with the Lord is not important anymore. Meanwhile, I must acknowledge that human love is such a beautiful and amazing thing, that I might be tempted, but I must be committed enough to the Lord to present everything before Him - my thoughts and my feelings, so I allow Him to be first.

On the other hand, I am also thinking about human love, loving your neighbor as yourself. My pastor in Israel was telling me something profound about this commandment. In Hebrew, the word “as yourself” is written as כמוך, which could also mean - “who is like you”. Love my neighbor who is like me - desperate for unfailing love, could be a hypocrite, may be prideful, inconsistent, could be ashamed, guilty, sinful. Given the limitation of man due to our fallen nature, I learned that I must be committed to ongoing self improvement, acknowledging my strengths, being honest with my weaknesses and be open to love myself despite my weaknesses, and having hope at the possibility that the Lord can do great and amazing things to an open heart. While we commit ourselves to become a better version of ourselves, we will have the opportunity to add value to our relationships - more joy, peace, love, laughter, time. Plus I have some security that I am in the center of God’s will - to love Him and myself and others - and this is a holy cause.

Who knows, maybe we’ll end up thinking that the key to finding the right partner is just point #1 as written above: It is the Lord Who will give you a partner. It’s a divine appointment.

Truth That Seeks Freedom

John 8:32 - You will know the truth and the truth will set you free

This verse had been one of the most mind-boggling verses that I’ve ever encountered. I remember the day that I gave this much thought. What is the truth that the Lord referring to? What is truth? What is that truth that sets us free? I didn’t want anyone else’s answer. I wanted the Lord to answer me Himself. While pondering upon this verse, many explanations came to my head — most of which are explanations given by ministers in the Church. If truth is something that I can “know”, then it must be truth for me, too, that I would agree with it with all that I am. Therefore, it cannot be just anyone’s explanation to me, that I would just agree with without even testing it.

I’ve held on to many explanations of what this truth is — like the Gospel truth, the truth of Yeshua’s sacrifice, the truth of God’s promises, the truth about my identity, the truth about the future to come as it is written in the Bible. However, the more that I ask about the truths related to those topics, I learned that there is infinitely more that I can learn about them. I learned that I know so little. I learned that the Lord, His work, His sacrifice, His plans are too great to comprehend. I will never be able to grasp it completely. I can be in constant awe and surprise to new revelations related to them, and I would appreciate Him more and more because He makes Himself known to me in much greater way than I ever did. I don’t have any regrets about believing that these are the truths that will set me free because they are worth pursuing — mainly because it led me to knowing the ultimate source of truth Who is God Himself.

In the process of seeking truth, I learned that God is Holy and I am not. I learned how different I am from Him, and there is absolutely no one in the entire universe who can be equal or greater than Him. I discovered that the Bible stories that caused me to question His character are the very stories that made me understand His heart and His patience towards us. I understood that despite the many violent stories in the Bible, what every book communicates is faith, hope and love. And I lack all 3 of them. I thought I was an expert at them, but I realized I know too little about what these 3 are about.

I also learned many things about myself, and I would like to share them to you. I will try to write them as truthful as possible. After all, if it’s the truth, then it should lead me to freedom. These are the truths that I have not denied, and I cried many tears when I finally admitted that these are true:

• I learned that I am proud, that I have a puffed up version of who I am. I thought I was cool, awesome, and worth emulating. But reality is — my version of who I think I am is someone who thinks she is idol-worthy. Did the Lord save me so I can be an idol?
• I learned that I expect others to be consistent, but I am inconsistent myself. I say things that I will do but I don’t. I believe I am this and that, but it’s not always true. How can I expect others to be consistent when I am not consistent myself?
• I learned that I never had control. I deceived myself that I was in control, or I have control to a certain degree, but really, did my plans ever come about as I have planned it? It always turned out way better, but the credit does not and will never belong to me.
• I learned that I am afraid of change. I prided myself as a change-ready person because of a few events that happened in my life that proved to be successful changes. I even have results to back it up. But were they my results? Or was it because the Lord prepared me a year ahead, and taught me one truth — that if I learn how to number my days, I will gain a heart of wisdom? And He prepared me a year earlier because He knows how stubborn and cowardly I can be
• Finally, I learned that I am self-deceived. This is probably the most painful truth that I have accepted. Until all of my false self image disappears, I will be self-deceived to a certain level. Until I keep holding on to who I think I am, I will always have a barrier to knowing how God sees me.

Why are these truths important to acknowledge? It’s human nature to act based on one’s beliefs. For example, if one thinks that a fetus is not yet a baby, then one is ok with abortion. If one thinks that she is ugly, then she acts the part of an unattractive woman, actings based on her insecurities. If a woman thinks that a certain man likes her, she acts based on how she thinks her relationship to him would be. Hence, beliefs about who we are and who others are must be grounded on truth so that our actions are more consistent, and our hearts are not deceived. These will prevent us from unnecessary hurt caused by wrong assumptions and expectations. Only when we rid ourselves of prejudice, assumptions and expectations can we truly accept another person for who they are — for their flaws and imperfections. But if we do not know how to do that to ourselves, whose minds that we can read, how can we do it for others whose minds we cannot read? If we cannot be honest with ourselves, then how can we be honest to others?

Some people may find it hard to accept the things that I have written. But for those who can resonate with this, especially those who have a hard time renewing their minds with the Word of God, I know what bothers you. I know you don’t believe what is written, and you want to convince yourself that the Word of God is true for you. I know that you want to brainwash yourself because it’s easier. But take heart, you can come to the Lord and tell Him, Abba, Father, You said in Your word that I am this and that, but I don’t believe it. Please take away my unbelief and show me how You see me. Because what I (or others) think of me is not important, but who You think of me is what matters.

Thankful on Shabbat

Isaiah 61:1-3 - The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor; He has sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to preserve those who mourn in Zion, to give to them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.

The past couple of weeks have been incredible. I had a difficult 2015, and yet, the Lord is making sure that this will be a year to remember. My year was marked with many tears, but the Lord allowed me to see that He is a big God, a God who operates in the miraculous, a God who heals and binds the brokenhearted, a God Who sets the captives free, a God who is with me at all times - He is Immanuel.  This was also the year that had the most laughter, and really really good memories. He is my Peace and Source of Joy.

I wanted to write a very long thank You list to the Lord for all the good things that happened in 2015. However, I don’t think a blog entry will do any justice on His faithfulness, mercy, provision and lovingkindness towards me. So I’ll just write about what happened in the past few days.

Before leaving for the Philippines, the Lord showered me with wonderful memories in Jerusalem. I realized that I have built really good friendships that are as close as family. One thing that was sure - I am abundant in love. There is nothing good that the Lord withheld from me. I realized it further when 2 of my good friends came to visit Israel. I was led to share many things that the Lord has done. On a normal day, I would not remember them. However, the mere recollection to share the stories to my closest friends has made me remember how far I have walked with the Lord, and how much good memories we have created together along the way. He has been my constant Companion, my Favorite Companion, and He knows me completely. My second greatest reward is to have relationships where I can be completely honest and real to them, even if we come from different cultural backgrounds or age group. We just know, and we understand each other, with or without words. I have great assurance that they care about me, I care about them, and we pray for each other.

Now that I am back to my roots, I am thankful to the Lord for many things — for giving me a chance to meet up with an old friend, and see that we can pick up from where we left off, or even way better than where we left off. We grew up, we changed, but it was definitely for the better. I am thankful that I have a best friend who takes care of me as if I am not just her friend, but I am family. It’s a huge bonus that she loves the Lord with all of her heart, her life is truly a testament that God is with her. I am thankful for allowing me to have time with family — to see how faithful He is to them even if I am not here with them most of the time, especially with how He took care of my siblings and my parents. I am thankful that my sister had to drive for more than 2 hours so that we can see each other for 5 minutes. I am thankful that I could hear my dad pray, and to know that his leadership means a lot to me. I am thankful that my wake up call is my mom, who just wanted a hug and to catch up, and to find out that I grew up to be like her and I am proud of it. I am thankful that my brother has grown up to be a fine young man who values excellence and relationships, and he didn’t resist me hugging him haha! I am thankful that the Lord has moved mightily in my family, especially my aunt who is undergoing chemotherapy. I was told that she is the first case to survive the first cycle when her platelet count was just 1. Now she’s on her 3rd cycle. And in a few weeks, I will have a nephew! Truly, He is a promise-keeping God Who will never leave us or forsake us.

It helps that I also got upgraded twice to premium economy. And my best friend kept pampering me. And I have a big bed all for myself. Yes, I am well loved.

This is truly a season to celebrate, and the reason for this season is because the Lord is good. Praise Yeshua for coming into this world to save us, for staying with us, for being our Light, and for directing our paths.


P.S. I am no longer allowed to complain about the internet and the traffic.